3am

Being awake at 3am is alot easier when you work night shift on a regular basis and get some sleep during the day. I am on my second night of being awoken by screaming from my g'pa. Each time after being startled awake, I jump up and go to his room to see what disaster has happened, expecting to find him on the floor.

Last night, he was extremely confused and very upset because he thought it was late morning and time to get up. It had been a whole day of confusing, anytime there is a major shift in the weather he gets confused. At 2:30pm he demanded his pills and supper because it was getting dark and time for bed. I explained it was just gloomy out and actually 2:30pm. Then he went to bed at 6:30pm, got up at 10p, then 2am, then 3am, 4am, and finally at 7am...each time yelling at the top of his lungs first. Needless to say I did not sleep. I did figure out that he had his watch on upside down so when it was 3am, it looked like 9 am to him.

Tonight however was a totally different story, although it started out the same....I am awoken by the yelling coming from his room. I go into check on him and he is in the throws of a night mare, or so it appears. He is safe, so I go back to bed. Just as I am getting settle back down he starts up again. Again I go in to check and make sure he isn't on the floor. He is wrestling with his blankets as if he wants to get up so I move them, all the while asking him if he is ok. He starts talking about a T-tube and getting it put together. I tell him I don't understand and he starts laughing. Now all of this is taking place at the top of our voices (he is deaf as a post without his hearing aide and not much better with it). So he is laughing and saying how I have a problem if I don't understand the class ( he used to be a professor). Then he switches to talking about the TV channel WTN and how it is only on at 3am. Through out all of this I am asking him to be quieter and not yell because he is going to wake up the kids. Usually this will quiet him. Tonight it just made him louder. He tells me , again at the top of his voice, "I will wake the kids up, I don't care." I am so exasperated at this point, I just turn my back to walk out the door. He starts yelling again. I tell him it is 3 am and since he isn't hurt I am going back to bed. He just laughs at me and says, "You have a real problem." It took everything I had not to yell back at him "Yes, and it is a selfish old man who gets a kick out of tormenting me". I would never say that to him in a million years, but tonight it is how I feel. I know this is the way dementia works, and I would love to be able to just put earplugs in and ignore the yelling but I can't because one of these times I am going to find him on the floor...again.

I think this is particular hard right now because I haven't been able to really get a significant break away. My sister who normally spells me is having major issues right now and needs to focus on herself and her family. Tim has been great about babysitting so I could run to the store or little errands. I am dreading when he leaves for Seattle on the 23rd. Then it will be just me for two weeks. Hopefully, he doesn't come back to find me having been committed. I am damn close now.

Now that I have gotten it off my chest and he appears to have quieted down, maybe, just maybe I can get a few hours more of sleep before the fun begins again.

The face of Alzheimer's

This is a collection of photographs I have taken of my grandmother since the beginning of this year. You can see the effects of Alzheimer's. The pictures are in chronological order.

Hospice Update

The hospice team has been on board for a week now. The nurse comes out twice a week and a wonderful aide comes twice a week as well. Having the aide has been a real help. She bathes and dresses g'ma everytime she is here. She even changes the sheets on the bed. G'pa is still unsure about this whole thing. We had a male nurse come out today. G'pa is convinced it was a doctor who "specializes in the elderly". I am tired today so rather than try to explain now and again in 10 minutes I just go with it. I seem to be doing that alot lately. But it is so much easier than constantly repeating myself and knowing that he will be asking the same question again in 10 minutes. Oh well.

Watercolors

Rosie and Ian love to do watercolor paintings. These are two of my favorites. I keep them hung on the kitchen cabinets so I can see them every day. They make me smile.

Major accomplishment and some ambitious thoughts

I had a major accomplishment today. I got up at 6:30, braved the chilly air and walked to the end of the block and back. And it is a good old fashion country block. This is major because it is the first time I have tried to walk for exercise since I broke/sprained my ankles. I have missed my walks. It was a time to think (or not think) uninterrupted by children. My goal is to make it to the end of the block and back once everyday for the rest of the week. Next week I will try to go twice each day. I know I have to build back up slowly. My ultimate goal is the Hospital Hill Run in June 2010. My sister, Sam, is doing the 1/2 marathon. My mom agreed to do the 5K. Last year I was able to finish the 10K. This year I am definitely doing the 10K again, but maybe, just maybe I can do the 1/2 marathon if I really put my mind to it. The race is 8 1/2 months away. I have to train back up to the 10 K anyway, so why not go for it and train for the 1/2.

I CAN DO THIS!

Rain and Smiles

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ...

it's about learning how to dance in the rain.

This is a philosophy I am trying to adopt in my everyday life. I have decided to reinvent certain aspects of myself. I want to be the one that people look at and say "I wonder what she is smiling about".

So the next time it starts raining,look for the crazy smiling lady dancing in it...that'll be me!

New hairdo

I got my hair cut today, about 8 inches shorter.

I am really happy with the results.

THANKS, MOM!!

Mommy my tongue hurts

I told Rosie she could pick the last of the red tomatoes and the peppers today. She eats the tomatoes like most people eat apples. She did a great job of picking them. She even picked the little orange peppers. I am not sure what these are but I think they are habeneros. I told her to put them on the table and then got busy and didn't think about them.

Next thing I know, she comes to me and says..."Mommy, my tongue hurts." I am trying to figure this out. Why would her tongue be hurting?

"did you bite it?"..............."No"

"what were you eating?".................."these" she says and holds out her hand with the remains of two peppers.

Well, we now know they are spicy peppers and Rosie doesn't like them.

http://kristinkitchenrecipes.blogspot.com/

I have started a blog specifically for recipes and kitchen tips and gadgets. I am posting the ones I have collected and invite you to post your favorites.

~Happy Cooking

New recipe and a chance to get out.

Last night I attended a Castle Care class. The idea behind this is to teach life skills you may have missed somewhere along the line. This particular event was a cooking class. We made a Brown Sugar Muffin mix. Now for those that know me, you may ask why I chose to go to a cooking class since I am a fairly decent cook. But it wasn't about the class for me, or the recipe (which is delish), it was about getting a chance to hang out with people I enjoy being around and having fun. I thoroughly enjoyed the company. I have to admit though, I was very nervous going in. It has been a long time since I spent time with anyone that wasn't family. I am afraid I have forgotten some of the social graces. I realized recently that I miss having friends to hang out with and have become something of a hermit. So, I am making the effort to go to things. This is also a part of my plan to find myself again as I seem to have gotten lost somewhere along the line.

And here is the recipe. I made it last night, left it in the fridge overnite, and baked it this morning. It was great to have fresh muffins this morning without alot of work. You could bake it immediately if you wanted.

Brown Sugar Muffins

1 Cup Brown Sugar packed Cut together the butter and brown sugar.

1/2 Cup butter softened

1 tsp baking soda Dissolve baking soda into milk

1 Cup millk then add to sugar and butter mixture

1 egg Beat egg then add to mixture

1 tsp vanilla Add to mixture

2 Cups flour Add to mixture and stir thoroughly.

Place in greased muffin tin. Sprinkle tops with:

1/3 cup Brown sugar and 1/2 tsp of cinnamon mixed

Bake at 350 degrees for 20-25 minutes. Let cool and enjoy!

Remember you can make them the night before and just pop them in the oven in the morning.

Nic and Rosie play Final Countdown

Rosie had her pretend violin and was practicing with Nic.

Nic

I just love this picture of Nic.

Ian's invention

Ian showing off his latest invention. He loves his Tinkertoys.

Rosie was playing "fashion girl" Saturday night. I had given her some make up to play with. She dressed herself and decided she needed two purses and a cell phone to complete her look. And she did her own make-up. Should I be scared for when she becomes a teen?

Liberty's Fall Festival

Rosie and Alex enjoyed the afternoon at the Fall Festival in Liberty. They met a dancing fire hydrant....got "tattoos" on their arms....painted a car for the parade...played a violin and xylophone....enjoyed a juice red tomato......and last but not least, got to make their own bouncy balls in the Mad Scientist's Laboratory.

Finishing the dining room

I have been feeling like things are hanging in limbo so I decided I needed to do something. I chose to redo the dining room, it was something I could start and see thru to an end. This collage shows the work in progress and completion. Well sort of complete. I still want to find some grape vines to wrap at the top of the curtains to pull everything together. Grandpa thinks it is really great. He says it looks sophisticated. He keeps sitting in his chair at the table commenting on how good it looks and how much he likes it. Meg helped hang the wallpaper border and all the kids helped with the painting. I think it looks really good.
Now to pick another room to "finish".

-1.4lbs

I returned to Weight Watcher's last night after a brief hiatus due to my legs. I was expecting the worst....a major weight gain. Instead I was pleasantly surprised by a weight loss of 1.4 lbs. I was really pleased with this. I have been continuing to pay attention to my food intake but haven't really been able to work out. I never thought I would say this, but I miss working out. I had gotten into a routine and then when I fell I had to stop. I have tried to continue the ab and upper body workouts but it is not the same. I don't get the same release of stress and the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I have walked/run a distance. According to the ortho I only have to be in the boot for another week or so. I am hopeful that I will be able to go back to at least walking for exercise. I know that I will have to build back up slowly. But I can't wait!!

Comments not working

It appears that for some reason comments are not working on my blog. I have played around with some of the settings, hopefully this will fix the problem.

Up and Down and all Around....

Last week, grandpa Jim was yelling that he didn't feel good. I went to him and asked what was wrong.

 His reply..."I haven't eaten in three days!"

Now the first thing that ran thru my mind was ...."If you haven't eaten in three days then who is the grumpy old man sitting at the kitchen table every morning at 7am, demanding 2 eggs over-easy, 1 sausage patty and HOT hot chocolate?" 

I bit my tongue and reassured him that he had eaten and that I would be glad to fix him something to eat right now if he was hungry. He was appeased with a PB&J (his sandwich of choice).

Fast forward a day.... he was upset because in his mind his car had been stolen. In reality is was taken away from him because he is not safe behind the wheel. 

Tonight, I made a nice dinner of tilapia, pasta and veggies. Normally he likes this meal. Tonight he was upset because I didn't make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

Now this is countered by him telling me...."that little girl (Rosie) is such a pistol. I just love to watch her run."

and " You know, you do such a good job for me and Lorine. I just don't know how you do it all."

It is like being on a carousel...Up and Down and all Around.

What I do...

Alzheimers disease is defined as a progressive and irreversible mental deterioration. It often begins with intermittent states of mental confusion, disorientation, and loss of recent memory. Subsequently, it progresses to severe impairment in all realms of thinking, memory, language, and communication. 

I have worked in healthcare for 18 years, first as a nursing assistant and now as a nurse. For the most part I have worked in geriatrics, specializing in Alzheimer's and Memory Loss. I started out working in nursing homes because it was a decent job. I soon discovered that I have a special place in my heart for elderly and particularly for those suffering with this disease.  I went back to school and earned my nursing license and continued to work with in the geriatric field.  

Now I live with it .....or to be more precise...I live with my grandparents who suffer with  Alzheimer's. It is a daily roller coaster ride. My grandmother is no longer ambulatory and requires everything to be done for her. She can be sweet and kissing you on the cheek one moment and trying to hit you the next.  She has the occasional lucid moment and can tell you if she is hungry or cold. She rarely recognizes anyone. But occasionally she will smile when she looks at my grandpa. I have captured a few moments on film of her with Rosie, coloring and smiling. My grandfather suffers from short-term memory loss. He struggles to remember the simple things, like the day of the week. He hides things and then tells me they must have been stolen. He struggles with his loss of control of his surrounds and copes with this by being very demanding. We have settled into a fairly simple routine and as long as that routine is in place, all is good. 


People have asked me "how do you do it?" My response is that I don't know how not to do it. It is my nature, it is part of who I am, it is what I do.  

Something I felt needed to be shared...

To get up in the morning only to know that you will have to face another obstacle takes STRENGTH. 
To smile when the only thing you can do is cry takes BRAVERY.
To act happy & laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes COURAGE.
To be joyous when the only good news is best of the bad news takes SUPPORT.
To be there & help others through the roughest times in life takes LOVE.

This was on a friend's FB page and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to share it. 

A productive weekend...

Here are the highlights of my productive weekend.
1) I decided after having heard the rave reviews of my sister, Meg's shredded pork, that I needed to try it. So last night I started the crockpot with a pork shoulder, a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce, half a bottle of liquid smoke, and some Worcestershire sauce. This morning it was so tender it fell off the bone with a touch of the tongs. My boys thought it was pretty good. Or at least that's what they said when they stopped gobbling to breath.
2) I got half of the dining room closet cleaned out and a good start on food storage going....there is more than just pasta in there now. I found an awesome deal on cake mixes, flour, sugar, canned veggies, and BBQ sauce.  I can't wait to go to the cannery with RS.
3) Finally got the paint for the dining room and got it painted. It is not done yet....I still have to find a chair rail border that I like. I will post pics when / if I get it done.
4)Manged to clean and (drumroll please) vacuum the livingroom. Now for those who haven't tried it , you should try vacuuming when you have two bum ankles....it is a hoot.
All in all, I felt pretty productive this weekend. :)

Rest in Peace Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze died today. He is not someone I knew personally, but I feel a loss at his death. You see, he had the same cancer as my dad and was diagnosed about 4 months before my Dad. I have watched his battles as I watched my Dad's. I felt hope when a treatment seemed to stall the cancer's growth. I felt heartache for him and his family as the disease ravaged his body, knowing the helplessness they must have felt. I know that his fight was long and painful. I hope that his passing was peaceful. I wish his family peace and comfort.

Need for recipes

I have put out the call for recipes. I realized I have very few recipes from family and friends. I would appreciate any recipes you can send me.

Who knows....there may just be something in it for you.....Hehehehehe

Please send them to

kristin.elaine@gmail.com

LOL

This was a post I made on Facebook back on 9/5 that I wanted to archive. I loved the comments I got. They made me smile and laugh out loud.

Kristin Smith

is contemplating life, the universe, and everything.....but I am not coming up with 42.


Lisa Eberspacher likes this.

Elizabeth Anderson LOL - I always get 49.....maybe it was a misprint?

Fred R Whitehead III Easy. Be4 you fell, you had 2 good legs.... I'm in trouble for that aren't I?

Friendship...

Today at church we had a wonderful lesson about friendship. Both being a friend and having friends. We listed several traits of a good friend...

KIND...FAITHFUL...POSITIVE...NOBLE...UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING...ENCOURAGING...UNDAUNTED...TRUTHFUL...SHARE IN YOUR JOYS AND SORROWS...COMPASSIONATE...GIVE AND RECIEVE SERVICE

I am very blessed to have a best friend. I met her in my freshman year in high school and we have been joined at the hip ever since. She knows every detail of my life...the good, the bad and the very, very ugly. She has stuck by me through it all. Now this is not to say that we haven't had our fights and trials. At one point we didn't speak for several years. But once the effort was made to reconnect it was as if no time had passed. I am very thankful to have her in my life. She truely understands me, even when I can't tell her what is wrong. I strive to be as good a friend to her as she is to me.

I am also very blessed to have sisters (this includes my sis-inlaws) that are also my friends. We grew up joking about the "Mayo Mafia". The idea being that once you are accepted by our family, you are in for life and if you were born into the family then it goes without saying. The other part of this is that family ALWAYS protects, loves, and stands up for family. No matter what. We are not bound only by blood or marriage but by friendship too. "...thou knowest not how strong those ties are that bind my soul and heart to thee..." (Joseph Smith)

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

~John 15:13

Feeling.....

So I have spent a good part of the last week feeling sorry for myself. I was very depressed and just felt like my world was crumbling around my ears. Monday I was surounded by family. We took Labor day as an excuse to fire up the grill and eat lots of desserts. But, even with everyone here, I felt lonely....or more to the point alone. It was one of those emotional rollercoaster rides.

I woke up Tuesday morning though, feeling great. I was happy and had energy. I am chalking this up to the cathartic atributes of a good cry. Monday night, I blubbered.....there is no other way to describe it. I talked with my friend who listened and advised and generally just let me know I wasn't alone in this and was loved. It was just what I needed.

So here's to a good friend and a cathartic cry.

Frustration...

I went to my ortho appointment this morning. I saw two doctors. Both of which agree the left leg is definitely broken. It is a non-displaced tibia fracture. The right leg is a grade 2 sprain. No significant tears or damage to the ligaments or tendons. So I am in a cast boot on the left and a splint on the right. I have been told I can weight-bear as tolerated with crutches. Their definition of tolerated is not the same as mine. I am ok for about 45 minutes on my feet then I HAVE to sit down because the pain and swelling become more than I am willing to tolerate.

It is terribly frustrating. I am also not used to asking for help. I try to be the one who people come to when they need help. My friends have been really great and brought over several dinner that are oven ready. The RS president (woman's group at church), came over and cleaned my kitchen. The whole time I am sitting there apoligizing because I feel bad she is doing it. People keep asking me what they can do and I don't know how to respond. There are things I am finding I can't do but I feel bad asking for help with them. I feel like I should be able to do it.

The fates have conspired...

Apparently, I needed to be reminded to take some time off. Yesterday, I fell going out to the garage and managed to break my left leg just above the ankle and severely sprained my right ankle. I am in a temporary cast on the left and an air cast on the right. I managed to get up this morning on my crutches and make a reasonable breakfast for g'pa and get g'ma up for the day. Thankfully g'ma was extremely cooperative. it took quite awhile but I managed.

I was also able to get an appointment set up with the orthopeadic group at NKC hospital. They were very nice and willing to see me even though I do not have insurance. I spoke with a very helpful woman in the bookkeeping department who agreed to arrange a payment plan for me. Unfortunately it will make the next several months very tight. I will have $$$ going out to pay for Nic's tuition and now $$$ going out to pay for my ortho.

The Relief Society President (my churches woman's group) came by this morning too. She just wanted to check on me and see what I might need. Mom had called her and told her what had happened. She was great. She chatted for awhile and then she cleaned up my kitchen. I told her I am not very good at being a patient and asking for help and that I really appreciated her doing it.

I guess I am going to have to learn to take it easy for a bit. No matter how difficult it might be.

Queen of the world...

I decided this morning that I need to get back to my routines. Although when the alarm went off at 5am I seriously considered saying screw the routine and staying in bed. But I did not. I got up and went to the gym, I did my workout, got Ian up and out the door for school, settled the grandparents and got Rosie up and going for the day too. I decided to not fall prey to the emotional chaos that seems determined to rule my world.
This past two weeks has been emotional draining for me. I am trying to be "OK" with everything. I don't feel that I have the luxury of falling apart or getting to upset. I did allow myself to eat all comfort foods this weekend and cry a little. But now I have to get on track. I have many "hats" that I wear on a daily basis, Mom, Nurse, Sister, Friend, Daughter, Woman, Psychologist, Housekeeper, etc. But my favorite is a real hat that says, "Queen of the World" I intend to wear it today and expect the rest of the world to play along.

Best laid plans often go awry...

This weekend has been very difficult. It has been two weeks since Sean asked me for a divorce. I know it is the right path for us to take. But it is a bumpy path nonetheless. Sean decided and made plans to move to Wisconsin. He has a friend there who offered him the spare room she has. The plan was for him to leave Friday nite.

So I put it off until the very last minute and finally on Thursday I talked to Ian. Divorce was not even a word in his vocabulary. He understood the basic concept, or so I thought. Friday morning while getting ready for school, he comes to me with two toys in his hands. "Mommy" he says. "This is you and this is Dad (holding one toy in each hand, close together)and Dad is moving away (he pulls one hand far away from the other)but in a little while you will throw your divorce away and he will move back." I didn't know what to say to that. I tried again to explain that a divorce isn't something you can just throw away. And that Dad and I loved him but we couldn't live together anymore. He took in stride and headed off to school.

Sean spent Friday finalizing things and packing. He had set it up to stay in a hotel Friday night and leave out early Saturday morning. The plan was for him to say good bye to the kids Friday night. Well as you know the best laid plans often fail as did this one. His friend's flight was delayed getting in, the rental car couldn't be picked up until Saturday morning so he couldn't load it until Saturday morning, etc. SO by the time he got everything worked out it was 11am, both kids were awake and wanting to know what was going on. So he ended up saying good bye to them all over again.

Emotions were running high. Rosie only understands that Daddy had to go away. And now she is having real separation anxiety. If I mention anything that sounds like I am leaving she goes into hysterics. I was talking about going to the gym in the morning, she over heard me and started sobbing "No you cant go I will miss you too much." No matter what I said she would not let go of it. At church she was all gungho to go to nursery until she realized I wasn't staying in nursery. It didn't help that it was nap time. So we walked the hall for a bit until she fell asleep and I went to sunday school. Ian however did really well. He was really excited because the librarian from his school goes to our church (this was the first time we have gone to this congregation). He went right in to Sunday school class and was happy as a lark and made a couple of new friends right away.

I have been down this road before. I know it will be difficult and will take time to settle. I expect Ian will be ok for a little while and then it will hit him that this is for real and then he will struggle for a bit. I have added to my prayer for strength to handle my burdens. I also ask for the children to be granted the understanding and strength that they need.

The strength of an ant....

Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens . "Great", she thought. "Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry."

She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there. She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth."

She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."

Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?"

Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!

The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."

This has become my new mantra , "God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will."

I definitely feel like the ant these days. It seems everytime I turn around a new burden has been added to my load. I have to believe there is a reason. This is not to say that there aren't moments that I want to cry and scream and rail at the unfairness of it all. But when all is said and done I pick the load back up and continue on. When I was younger I would pray to have my burdens taken from me. Now I pray for the strength to carry them.

ABC's

Bet you didn't know all of these.

A - Age: 37
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: laundry...it never ends
D - Dog's name: Sumner and Suzy
E - Essential start your day item: Coffee
F - Favorite color: green
G - Gold or Silver or Platinum: Silver as a general rule, but I do wear gold occassionally
H - Height: 5'6
I - Instruments you play: Used to play Flute and Saxophone
J - Job title: Mom/Nurse
K - Kid(s): TIm, Nic, Ian, Rosie
L - Living arrangements: with grandparents, and kids and Sean
M - Mom's name: Alexis
N - Nicknames: Krissy, Kris, K, Jabberjaws, Mommy
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Nope
P - Pet Peeves: Stupid people
Q - Quote from a movie: As you wish
R - Right handed or left handed: both
S - Siblings: Lisa, Meagan, Samantha, James, Seth
T - Time you wake up: 5am - so I can get a workout out in before the masses arise
U- Underwear: Yes
V - Vegetable you dislike: Lima Beans
W - Ways you run late: getting kids ready then myself
X - X-rays you've had: chest, arm, toe.
Y - Yummy food you make: Mac and Cheese, bread, chicken and dumplings
Z - Zoo favorite: Pandas

UPDATE: Nic's audition

We recieved Nic's official acceptance today. Now all I have to do is figure out how much the budget wil allow.

There are options for lessons Fall 2009 TUITION –
Lesson Duration Once a week Twice a week
30 min $560 $1120
45 min $800 $1600
60 min $960 $1920
Group Theory Lessons - Free

Luckily, they have it set-up so you can make 4 monthly installments. I am also looking in to scholarship options.

1st Grade

Ian started 1st grade yesterday. He was excited to go. I on the other hand came to the realization that he is growing up much faster than I would prefer. He is suddenly a boy with his own opinions and preferences. I can no longer lay out clothes for him and expect him to wear them, he wants to pick put his own....whether or not they match. This morning he left wearing two different socks. He was well aware of this and insisted it was what he wanted to wear. All I could do was wave goodbye as the bus pulled away and hope he doesn't get teased about it. As a parent, I worry about his grades, the safety of the school bus ride, etc. but, what worries me the most is ...What if he gets teased or picked on at school. I can't protect him.

I know this is silly and there are much greater dangers and obstacles in the world. It just happens to be the one thing that struck me today as the thing I was worried about. I guess I will know how he fared when he gets off the bus this afternoon.

Journeys and Changes

There remains no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved and therefore the marriage is irretrievably broken.

This statement is the only acceptable grounds on which to file for an uncontested divorce in Missouri. I find it interesting that it very accurately describes Sean and I's situation. We have struggled for the past year or two, trying to figure out how to fall back in love with each other and preserve our marriage. We weren't able to figure it out but, have become very good actors apparently. I am surprise by how many people have said, " I had no idea things weren't good between you to." Then the next question is usually "so what happened?" It is hard to explain. There isn't any one thing. It has been an accumulation of multiple things over a long time. I have learned it is possible to love someone but not be IN love with them.

After a surpisingly short conversation, Sean and I agreed it would be better to end things now while we are still ok with each other than to wait until we morphed in to enemies with such animosity between us that we couldn't agree on anything. It has been agreed that the kids will stay here with me and we will share custody. Sean plans to see them as often as possible. He will be moving up to Wisconsin at the end of this month (aug 29). He has friend who lives up there that has a spare room. It will be difficult for him to be so far away from the kids but KC holds alot of pain and grief for him. In the long run he will heal much faster and probably more completely by not being here (KC).

There is a whole gammit of emotion right now, but soon things will settle into a new routine and we will begin new journeys in our lives. As the saying goes...Time heals all wounds.

Nic...audition

Earlier this week (Wed), I was reading the paper and came across an announcement about the Park University Youth Music Conservatory.I showed it to Nic and suggested we call about it. It turned out they were taking applications and auditions on Sunday(today). Nic was given an audition slot. We arrived a little early and met Professor Martin Storey, who was person Nic was to audition for. Nic played his two pieces, Bach's Minuet I and Sunrise, Sunset from Fiddler on the Roof. Before leaving, Professor Storey told us we should receive an email early this week giving us registration information as well as the instructors name. Although, he did not specifically say Nic got in, we are assuming the best from his comment.

This is an awesome opportunity for Nic.

This link will take you to the conservatory's homepage.

http://www.park.edu/icm/ycm/index.shtml

Afternoon at the Lake

Elizabeth and I took the kids to the Lake for the afternoon. It was a blast and no one got terribly sunburned.

Nature's Wonders

Sometimes Mother Nature presents you with the most spectacular scenes. Here are a few I was lucky enough to capture.

August B-Day event

Here are some pictures from our family get together to celebrate the August birthdays.

Women have one flaw...

IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN…

Women have strengths that amaze men.
They bear hardships and they carry burdens,
but they hold happiness, love and joy.

They smile when they want to scream.
They sing when they want to cry.
They cry when they are happy
and laugh when they are nervous.
They fight for what they believe in.
They stand up to injustice.

They don't take "no" for an answer
when they believe there is a better solution.

They go without so their family can have.
They go to the doctor with a frightened friend.
They love unconditionally.
They cry when their children excel
and cheer when their friends get awards.

They are happy when they hear about
a birth or a wedding.
Their hearts break when a friend dies.
They grieve at the loss of a family member,
yet they are strong when they
think there is no strength left.
They know that a hug and a kiss
can heal a broken heart.

Women come in all shapes, sizes and colors.

They'll drive, fly, walk, run or e-mail you
to show how much they care about you..

The heart of a woman is what
makes the world keep turning.

They bring joy, hope and love.
They have compassion and ideas.
They give moral support to their
family and friends.

Women have vital things to say
and everything to give.

HOWEVER, IF THERE IS ONE FLAW IN WOMEN,
IT IS THAT

THEY FORGET THEIR WORTH.

Bigger Bucket

"I think I need a bigger bucket!!"

One of my favorite sayings it atributed to Mother Teresa and goes something like....

God only gives you what you can handle, but I sure wish he didn't trust me so much.

My take on it is more to the effect of....

God only gives you what you can handle, but I need a bigger bucket.

This pretty much sums up my week. So if you have an empty bucket laying around you might want to send it my way. I am sure I can put it to good use.

Smash and grab...not fun

Tuesday night, I went to the gym with Nic and Katie. We had a great workout, then came out to find the van's driver side window smashed. Normally, I take everything in and lock it in a locker. For some reason I didn't that night. I left my purse in the car under my gym bag. They took it. The only saving grace was, that my keys apparently got flipped out when they grabbed it. I found them between the seats. Now the kicker is, all they got was $80. I had that in cash in my wallet. They tried to use my bank card but I only had $3 in the checking account and all of the other cards I have are debit cards (the kind you have to add money to in order to use them)and I had not put anything on them this week. It is alot of frustration on my part though. I spent one entire day on the phone cancelling and reordering medical cards, bank accounts, grocery cards, etc. And one whole day getting my ID and SSN dealt with. I do have to give kudos to the North Patrol Police Division, in particular Officer Ellis. He was very prompt in his response to me and has been nothing but polite and helpful. I really appreciate being made to feel like this was being taken seriously. Not because I hope to get anything back but because I hope they can prevent it from happening to someone else.

On a funny note, the van is cleaner than it has been in awhile after the vaccumming to get all the glass out.

Selena's Birthday

Selena is staying with us for a few weeks. Her birthday was this past Thursday, she turned 18. I am not one to let a birthday pass without some kind of celebration. So, we had a birthday dinner for her tonight. Nic and I made the cakes, Devil's Food with a cherry center. She managed to blow out all the candles without catching her hair on fire. I had been wracking my brain to figure out what to do for her present. I finally decided since she seems to get cold easily, I made her a kuddler, Mom made her a hat and scarf set for this winter, and Lisa made her a necklace. Meagan found a hysterical Hoops and Yoyo card about the things you can do now that you are 18. I am pretty sure she had a good time. I really wanted her to feel like we consider her a part of the family. Although, my family can be pretty overwhelming.

GNO- July

Last night was girls' night out. The normal crew (me. mom, lisa, meg, sam) were all there and we added three new faces. Alana, who is a long time family friend and a hoot to hang out with. Danie who is a new friend, she and I have bonded over kid fiascos. And Selena, tim's girlfriend, who is very much like a daughter. We went to Fiesta Guadalahara in Smithville for dinner. It is wonderful mexican food. Mom and I go about once a week for dinner so the waiters and owner know us. I had a blast. I love being able to chat with everyone and see what everyone is up to. And of course, we hit Sheridan's afterwards for frozen custard. My favorite at the moment is this concotion of Vanilla custard, hot fudge, sliced bananas, and sliced strawberries. It is well worth the extra time in the gym.

Pile O' Kids

Yesterday, Nic watched the kids so I could take Sean to work and keep the van for the day. I came home to find them all curled up sound asleep on my bed. I thought it was cute so I took a picture to share with everyone.

And, yes, that is Rosie's artwork in the background. haven't gotten the bedroom painted yet. Still working in that one. :)

July Update

We have been really busy the last month or so.

Tim has started his new job. He is working with a construction company that installs and repairs the fuel tanks for rail yards and airports. He is usually a disgusting mess when he gets home but he is enjoying it. His dad, Jason is with the same company and at least on this job they are working together. This is kind of a trial by fire thing. If Tim does well and proves himself they will take him onto the next crew, if not then they will let him go at the end of this job. I don’t want him to screw this up so I have been getting up at 6am to make sure he is up and has a lunch, etc. So far, it has worked. His girlfriend, Selena, is staying with us for a few weeks. She has decided to stay in Seattle and will be attending college there this fall. She is looking at a career in nursing, which of course I love being a nurse myself. Tim really wants her to finish college before they get more serious. He doesn’t want “family life” to get in her way. I totally agree and support him on that one.

Nic just got home yesterday. He spent a week and a half in Seattle visiting friends. He came home looking like a lobster. Typical boy, he didn’t put on any sunscreen when they went to the water park. He has been working for mom and dad doing odd chores and yard work. It has given him enough spending money to do what he wants this summer without being locked into a job. He is going into his junior year in high school next month. I am trying to find him a music program for fall, his school doesn’t have an orchestra. Last year he was able to play with the pit band for special events though. I am hopeful that he will have another outstanding year. He finished his sophmore year with a 4.0. His passion is still cooking and he spends a lot of time in the kitchen experimenting…and sitting on the counter.

Ian finished his summer program at school with perfect attendance. His favorite class was the lego architecture. He is excited to start 1st grade next month. I am excited because it is all day instead of ½ day like kindergarten. He recently discovered Pokemon cards. He also has a new found love of motorcycles. A friend who came over for 4th of July let him sit on his. Ian thought it was great!

Rosie is definitely two. Her new nickname is “Molly Meltdown”. She has developed a penchant for tamtrums. They can be quite funny to watch. When she calms down she will come to me and say “Mommy, I am done now.” Some days it is all I can do not to laugh. She also takes after her brother, Nic and loves to help in the kitchen. She is a wiz at making kool-aid.

As for me, I am doing ok. The stress of life gets to me occassionally but I manage. I am going to the gym frequently and that helps a lot and I am down 7 lbs so far. I am thinking strongly about going back to school this winter to work on furthering my nursing degree. In the meantime, I continue to sew and keep busy with taking care of the family. I am also continueing to walk/run. I signed up for the Memory Walk in October. It is to benefit the Alzheimer’s Association. Since, my grandmother suffers from the disease I feel like it is something I should do. This one is only a 5K. Samantha is trying to talk me into the ½ marathon next year for the Hospital Hill Run. Not sure I will be up to that, but not totally discounting it either. We will see.

End of Update

Spaghetti Facial

Rosie loved the spaghetti I made for dinner last night.

Fireworks

These are some of the fireworks we saw. We had an awesome view from the front yard of several displays. Everyone loved it.

Family fun - 7/4/9

We had a blast on the fourth. Lisa and her family, Sam, James, and Sariah, and Mom and Dad all came over. We had hot dogs and devil eggs, plus loads of munchies and side salads. Mom made her famous fruit salad with the help of the kids. It was a blast.

First tomatoes of the season

These are our tomato plants. I decided to do container gardening this year. I have 7 tomato plants and 3 pepper plants that are doing well. I tried originally to have them in the backyard but, Rosie kept trying to be helpful. She would unplant and replant them multiple times a day. So I moved the buckets to the front porch and they are doing well there. It seems to be just the right about of sun/shade for them. Rosie still goes out every day to check on them but no longer tries to unplant them. She can't wait for the tomato to turn red so she can eat it!

Storm

The storm last night was amazing. I stood on my deck and captured this. The lightening strikes were awesome to watch. This does not do them justice.
Click on the picture, to view it. It will take you to my google albums.

From Storm

Sweet Sleep

 

So sweet when she sleeps.

Summer Journey (Ian)

Ian got the opportunity to participate in the Smithville Elementary Summer Journey program this summer. It is summer school with a twist. He took classes like Lego Architecture. He came home telling me all about buttresses and flying buttresses and how they can be used to support a building. He also learned all about bugs and assorted creepy-crawlies. Not my favorite subject but he thoroughly enjoyed it. He also earned honors for perfect attendance! It was a great way to get him used to the all day program he will start this fall in 1st grade. Alas, yesterday was his last day, next week we enter the land of "I'm Bored".

All about the moo-cow

From New Folder (3)

From New Folder (3)

Sean went to Wisconsin last weekend and brought back a few thing for the kids. For Rosie it is all about the moo-cow. Her favorite joke right now is:
"What does a cow work for?.............MOOO-LAAA"
It is a riot to listen to her tell it.

Hair flowers

From New Folder (3)

My sister Sam is an amazingly talented crafter. She showed me how to make these adorable flower clips for Rosie's hair. It was so easy and fun I made 1/2 dozen of them. Luckily Rosie is very much into being a princess right now so she loves to wear them.

Baptismal gown

This is the baptimal gown I made for Heidi Rose.

From Christening gown

Update on Dad...

He is still at KU Med. The results came back from the abdominal CT. They were much much better than we expected. There were no new growths and the original tumor was measusred for comparison. It has shrunk slightly from the last set of scans. This is good! Dad is still being treated for the PE (pulmonary emboli). He wil continue that treatment course for awhile. The PE is very large and will take time to resolve. The current game plan is for him to come home over the weekend....that is however subject to change.

Being right isn't always a good thing.

My Dad is in KU med. He has been there since last Sunday. He was initially admitted for extreme dehydration and anemia. Both of these can be side effects of the chemo he is on. Unfortunately, he wouldn't listen and ended up going when it became critical instead managable. So the first night they pumped him full of fluids, somewhere in the neighborhood of 5 IV bags (about 5 liters). This unfortunately caused a fluid overload. He swelled up to resemble the pilsbury dough boy. To relieve this they put him on Lasix, a diuretic. In the meantime his hemoglobin was less than 8.

Have you strapped in for the roller coaster ride yet? If not do so now!

His hemoglobin started to come up but the rest of his labs were still whacky and he still felt crummy. One of the main problems was he couldn't catch his breath. It was fatigueing just to sit up. Thus, they started him on oxygen. This helped somewhat. His labs started to straighten out. Unfortunately, some of the important ones went down then came back up...of particular concern was the lactic acid. They tried a CPAP machine to help regulate his nighttime breathing. Not getting the results they wanted, the MD said he wanted a chest and abdominal CT. His theory being that the cancer might have spread , causing the elevated lactic acid results.

I have been saying that I had a gut feeling there was something more to this. More than just dehydration this time. I have had this feeling since the last set of scans he had done. So when the MD said that I was relieved and terrified at the same time. Relieved that they were going to take a closer look and not just blow it off and terrified that they would confirm what my gut was saying. The curse of being a nurse who paid attention in class and believes in "gut feelings".

They did the chest CT this morning. They did find something....a pulmonary emboli. This is a blood clot in his lung. It appears that there is one or more clots around his port (implanted IV port). The working theory is that one broke off and found its way to the lung. They have started him on Lovenox (a heavy duty anticoagulant), to help break up the clots and prevent more.

As of this writing they have not done the abdominal CT.

So we wait......

Thank You!

We may not have conquered Pancreatic Cancer yet, but we conquered the Hill.

Our final total for our fundraising was $2390.oo.

Thank you to everyone for their support, encouragement, and prayers!

Rare Moment

Rosie and her great Grandma shared a smile. It was a treat to see. For those who don't know Grandma has Alzheimer's. It is rare for her to show much emotion. Occassionally, I am lucky enough to capture it.

Our Dog, Sumner

Finalizing the 10K and ...

I slept and took yesterday off from everything...except posting the pictures. Today I am working on a scrap book of the event and finalizing the fund raising. We had several offline donations that we need to get into the count before we publish a final number. So far it is looking good.

I made it to the gym this morning and managed a full weight workout and 250 yrds in the pool. Then I sat and reveled in the glorious bubbling water in the hot tub. As I sat there, I started thinking about what to do next.

So, I made a decision to do the Alzheimer's Association Memory Walk. It is in October and is only a 3 mile course. After having done the 10K it should be a piece of cake. Again this is something dear to me; my grandmother suffers with Alzheimer's. I have seen the impact this disease has on families. It is a hard thing to deal with. It is like losing the person twice...once as the mind dies and then again when the body dies. I have spent most of my nursing career working in Alzheimer's units. Now I care for my grandmother at home. I am glad to be able to provide her with the care she needs. Every now and again I am rewarded with a smile or a pat on the cheek. That makes it all worth it.

Hospital Hill Run 2009 Slideshow

36th Hospital Hill Run

The Hospital Hill Run was today. Lisa, Heather, Samantha, Nic and I all did the 10K. It was awesome. My goal was just to finish before they started taking down the barricades. I did a little better than that. The goal for next year is to finish in under 1:30:00. 

I survived! Here is my offical results.

Kristin Vancleave Smith #10161

Smithville

Age: 37 Gender: F

Distance	10K
Clock Time	1:46:51
Overall Place	1258 / 1263
Gender Place	714 / 723
Division Place	113 / 113
Age Grade	28.9%
St	MO
Divt	113
Sext	723
Pace	17:12