Pumpkins galore

Lisa, Meg and their kids came over to carve pumpkins with us. Nic and Lisa were the designated carvers.
We had a skull, a cat, a traditional jack-o-lantern, and a firey face.
Happy Halloween!!!

Day 2

I am most of the way thru day 2 of my weight loss journey. This particular diet plan has the first four days being VERY restrictive. I did great until 8pm. Then hungries took over and I ate a handful of candy corn. Amazingly a serving size is 20 corns and only 150 calories but it was still a really bad thing for me. but at least I didn't eat the whole bag.

This afternoon though, I was able to go to the store with Ian and not buy anything from the deli or stop on the way home at McD's. It took alot of willpower but I went to the store, got what I needed and came home. When I got home I made a smoothie. This plan actually builds in an afternoon snack. Yeah!! So I was able to indulge the munchies without completely blowing it. I am feeling pretty good about that.

Day 1

We had our GNO last Friday. It was a blast. It also brought something into a harsh reality for me. I am FAT..not a little over weight...MORBIDLY OBESE.

I am emotional eater. No doubt about it. This past week has been really rough, and I ate everything in sight. I have known this but have been ignoring it. I have let myself fall into a habit of "oh, I'll eat what I want...it wont matter". This is really bad. Lately, I have been eating and making excuses for it. This is not a good place to be. I joined WW with my mom back in the spring. I thought having someone to be accountable to ever week would help. It didn't. I didn't make the commitment to the plan I needed to for it to work. I was constantly saying..."I'll start tracking next week" or "2 points won't really matter." Well an extra couple of points add up really quickly. And now I feel rotten. My clothes are too tight, I am tired and grumpy, and generally unhappy with myself. I am 100lbs over weight. I have to make a serious change.

So here I am, making a commitment. I have found a reasonable diet plan to follow. I have printed it out and stuck it to my cabinet so I have no excuse not to follow it. I have shopped specifically for it so there is no excuse of not having things. I have taken a picture of myself as a motivator. I have been release by the othro's to exercise and the pain is lessening in my ankles.

NO MORE EXCUSES!!

It is not going to be easy I have no illusions about that.

Day 1 - 235lbs

My list

This week has been a real struggle for me. I have a lot of things on my mind these days. There are days I feel like the weight of the world is on me and I have done alot of crying this week. It was pointed out to me yesterday that even when I have fallen apart, I have made sure everyone else around me was taken care of first. I feel selfish if I have to say no. I am a fixer, a caretaker. I think that is why I became a nurse in the first place. I have had several people ask me this week "How / Why do you do it?".......My response is "Because, I don't know how not too."

I have been trying to get a grip on the level of stress I have so I decided to make a list of my stresses then go thru it and mark which ones I have control over and which ones I do not. (if you haven't figured it out, I am a control freak and slightly OCD about it). In make my list, I am realizing that I have very little control over most of the things going on in my life right now but I do have control over my reactions to it. So that is what I am working on right now. I have decided to ask the lord to give me strength to get thru today and I will worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Costumes...

It seems every year we have gone round and round about Halloween costumes. The ones I picked out were too cute, the ones Ian picked out were to spooky, gorey, complicated, etc. It has always been a major compromise. This year however has been a dream come true.....

Rosie wanted to be a princess (no surprise). I found a beautiful cream and gold dress at the thrift store for $5, a tiara for $2 and she has silver and pink shoes to wear. Grand total $7 and a happy daughter.

Ian decided he wanted the dinosaur costume I found at K-Mart, it was $17 but well worth it. No arguments, no compromising, and a really cute costume.

We got home last night from picking it up and Ian had to try it on. He was so cute running around. The costume has this little tail on it so he would stop and shake it. It was really funny to watch.

Tim saw him and suggested we dress Nic up as a tower and have Rosie sit on his shoulder then have Ian curl around his feet ( the costume looks a little like a dragon). It would make a great picture. The princess in a tower guarded by a dragon.

Now, where to find fabric with a brick/stone print......

Answers

God answers all our prayers.

Sometimes he says...Yes.

Sometimes he says...No.

And sometimes he says...

You've got to be kidding!

The birthday tea party

Autumn colors

I do not enjoy the cold weather but I do love the colors it creates.

100-ish yr old rose bush

There was a rose bush at the house in Bethany that is 100-ish
years old. My sister took cuttings off of it this summer in hopes they would survive and allow us to
re-plant them and keep part of the rose bush alive. They didn't show any signs of rooting so we had given up hope.
But I was lazy and just left the pots on my front porch. As it turned out being lazy was a good thing this time...The cuttings had leaves.
Now if they just survive the winter.

My sweet kid....

I was reminded last night of what a sweet kid my Nic is. He comes up behind me in the kitchen and wraps his arms around me and just hugs me. It was one of those "mommy, I still love you hugs". I love it when he does that. It makes me feel warm and reminds me that I am very much loved. Then he preceded to make me an oh-so-yummy plate of Spinach fettuccine alfredo with mushrooms. This is one of my favorite comfort food dishes. This particular time it was so yummy I licked the plate. I thought the responses to my facebook status regarding his cooking were funny.

Kristin Smith I have the most awesome son in the world......he is making the yummiest alfredo with spinach noodles and saute mushrooms.

Yesterday at 8:16pm · Comment · Like

Meagan Wiley

MMMMmmmmmmm. Yummy. Can Nic come live with me????

Yesterday at 9:03pm · Delete

Lisa Eberspacher

wow! Yum! does he give cooking lessons? :)

9 hours ago · Delete

3am

Being awake at 3am is alot easier when you work night shift on a regular basis and get some sleep during the day. I am on my second night of being awoken by screaming from my g'pa. Each time after being startled awake, I jump up and go to his room to see what disaster has happened, expecting to find him on the floor.

Last night, he was extremely confused and very upset because he thought it was late morning and time to get up. It had been a whole day of confusing, anytime there is a major shift in the weather he gets confused. At 2:30pm he demanded his pills and supper because it was getting dark and time for bed. I explained it was just gloomy out and actually 2:30pm. Then he went to bed at 6:30pm, got up at 10p, then 2am, then 3am, 4am, and finally at 7am...each time yelling at the top of his lungs first. Needless to say I did not sleep. I did figure out that he had his watch on upside down so when it was 3am, it looked like 9 am to him.

Tonight however was a totally different story, although it started out the same....I am awoken by the yelling coming from his room. I go into check on him and he is in the throws of a night mare, or so it appears. He is safe, so I go back to bed. Just as I am getting settle back down he starts up again. Again I go in to check and make sure he isn't on the floor. He is wrestling with his blankets as if he wants to get up so I move them, all the while asking him if he is ok. He starts talking about a T-tube and getting it put together. I tell him I don't understand and he starts laughing. Now all of this is taking place at the top of our voices (he is deaf as a post without his hearing aide and not much better with it). So he is laughing and saying how I have a problem if I don't understand the class ( he used to be a professor). Then he switches to talking about the TV channel WTN and how it is only on at 3am. Through out all of this I am asking him to be quieter and not yell because he is going to wake up the kids. Usually this will quiet him. Tonight it just made him louder. He tells me , again at the top of his voice, "I will wake the kids up, I don't care." I am so exasperated at this point, I just turn my back to walk out the door. He starts yelling again. I tell him it is 3 am and since he isn't hurt I am going back to bed. He just laughs at me and says, "You have a real problem." It took everything I had not to yell back at him "Yes, and it is a selfish old man who gets a kick out of tormenting me". I would never say that to him in a million years, but tonight it is how I feel. I know this is the way dementia works, and I would love to be able to just put earplugs in and ignore the yelling but I can't because one of these times I am going to find him on the floor...again.

I think this is particular hard right now because I haven't been able to really get a significant break away. My sister who normally spells me is having major issues right now and needs to focus on herself and her family. Tim has been great about babysitting so I could run to the store or little errands. I am dreading when he leaves for Seattle on the 23rd. Then it will be just me for two weeks. Hopefully, he doesn't come back to find me having been committed. I am damn close now.

Now that I have gotten it off my chest and he appears to have quieted down, maybe, just maybe I can get a few hours more of sleep before the fun begins again.

The face of Alzheimer's

This is a collection of photographs I have taken of my grandmother since the beginning of this year. You can see the effects of Alzheimer's. The pictures are in chronological order.

Hospice Update

The hospice team has been on board for a week now. The nurse comes out twice a week and a wonderful aide comes twice a week as well. Having the aide has been a real help. She bathes and dresses g'ma everytime she is here. She even changes the sheets on the bed. G'pa is still unsure about this whole thing. We had a male nurse come out today. G'pa is convinced it was a doctor who "specializes in the elderly". I am tired today so rather than try to explain now and again in 10 minutes I just go with it. I seem to be doing that alot lately. But it is so much easier than constantly repeating myself and knowing that he will be asking the same question again in 10 minutes. Oh well.

Watercolors

Rosie and Ian love to do watercolor paintings. These are two of my favorites. I keep them hung on the kitchen cabinets so I can see them every day. They make me smile.

Major accomplishment and some ambitious thoughts

I had a major accomplishment today. I got up at 6:30, braved the chilly air and walked to the end of the block and back. And it is a good old fashion country block. This is major because it is the first time I have tried to walk for exercise since I broke/sprained my ankles. I have missed my walks. It was a time to think (or not think) uninterrupted by children. My goal is to make it to the end of the block and back once everyday for the rest of the week. Next week I will try to go twice each day. I know I have to build back up slowly. My ultimate goal is the Hospital Hill Run in June 2010. My sister, Sam, is doing the 1/2 marathon. My mom agreed to do the 5K. Last year I was able to finish the 10K. This year I am definitely doing the 10K again, but maybe, just maybe I can do the 1/2 marathon if I really put my mind to it. The race is 8 1/2 months away. I have to train back up to the 10 K anyway, so why not go for it and train for the 1/2.

I CAN DO THIS!

Rain and Smiles

Life is not about waiting for the storms to pass ...

it's about learning how to dance in the rain.

This is a philosophy I am trying to adopt in my everyday life. I have decided to reinvent certain aspects of myself. I want to be the one that people look at and say "I wonder what she is smiling about".

So the next time it starts raining,look for the crazy smiling lady dancing in it...that'll be me!

New hairdo

I got my hair cut today, about 8 inches shorter.

I am really happy with the results.

THANKS, MOM!!

Mommy my tongue hurts

I told Rosie she could pick the last of the red tomatoes and the peppers today. She eats the tomatoes like most people eat apples. She did a great job of picking them. She even picked the little orange peppers. I am not sure what these are but I think they are habeneros. I told her to put them on the table and then got busy and didn't think about them.

Next thing I know, she comes to me and says..."Mommy, my tongue hurts." I am trying to figure this out. Why would her tongue be hurting?

"did you bite it?"..............."No"

"what were you eating?".................."these" she says and holds out her hand with the remains of two peppers.

Well, we now know they are spicy peppers and Rosie doesn't like them.