-1.4lbs

I returned to Weight Watcher's last night after a brief hiatus due to my legs. I was expecting the worst....a major weight gain. Instead I was pleasantly surprised by a weight loss of 1.4 lbs. I was really pleased with this. I have been continuing to pay attention to my food intake but haven't really been able to work out. I never thought I would say this, but I miss working out. I had gotten into a routine and then when I fell I had to stop. I have tried to continue the ab and upper body workouts but it is not the same. I don't get the same release of stress and the feeling of accomplishment that I get when I have walked/run a distance. According to the ortho I only have to be in the boot for another week or so. I am hopeful that I will be able to go back to at least walking for exercise. I know that I will have to build back up slowly. But I can't wait!!

Comments not working

It appears that for some reason comments are not working on my blog. I have played around with some of the settings, hopefully this will fix the problem.

Up and Down and all Around....

Last week, grandpa Jim was yelling that he didn't feel good. I went to him and asked what was wrong.

 His reply..."I haven't eaten in three days!"

Now the first thing that ran thru my mind was ...."If you haven't eaten in three days then who is the grumpy old man sitting at the kitchen table every morning at 7am, demanding 2 eggs over-easy, 1 sausage patty and HOT hot chocolate?" 

I bit my tongue and reassured him that he had eaten and that I would be glad to fix him something to eat right now if he was hungry. He was appeased with a PB&J (his sandwich of choice).

Fast forward a day.... he was upset because in his mind his car had been stolen. In reality is was taken away from him because he is not safe behind the wheel. 

Tonight, I made a nice dinner of tilapia, pasta and veggies. Normally he likes this meal. Tonight he was upset because I didn't make him a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. 

Now this is countered by him telling me...."that little girl (Rosie) is such a pistol. I just love to watch her run."

and " You know, you do such a good job for me and Lorine. I just don't know how you do it all."

It is like being on a carousel...Up and Down and all Around.

What I do...

Alzheimers disease is defined as a progressive and irreversible mental deterioration. It often begins with intermittent states of mental confusion, disorientation, and loss of recent memory. Subsequently, it progresses to severe impairment in all realms of thinking, memory, language, and communication. 

I have worked in healthcare for 18 years, first as a nursing assistant and now as a nurse. For the most part I have worked in geriatrics, specializing in Alzheimer's and Memory Loss. I started out working in nursing homes because it was a decent job. I soon discovered that I have a special place in my heart for elderly and particularly for those suffering with this disease.  I went back to school and earned my nursing license and continued to work with in the geriatric field.  

Now I live with it .....or to be more precise...I live with my grandparents who suffer with  Alzheimer's. It is a daily roller coaster ride. My grandmother is no longer ambulatory and requires everything to be done for her. She can be sweet and kissing you on the cheek one moment and trying to hit you the next.  She has the occasional lucid moment and can tell you if she is hungry or cold. She rarely recognizes anyone. But occasionally she will smile when she looks at my grandpa. I have captured a few moments on film of her with Rosie, coloring and smiling. My grandfather suffers from short-term memory loss. He struggles to remember the simple things, like the day of the week. He hides things and then tells me they must have been stolen. He struggles with his loss of control of his surrounds and copes with this by being very demanding. We have settled into a fairly simple routine and as long as that routine is in place, all is good. 


People have asked me "how do you do it?" My response is that I don't know how not to do it. It is my nature, it is part of who I am, it is what I do.  

Something I felt needed to be shared...

To get up in the morning only to know that you will have to face another obstacle takes STRENGTH. 
To smile when the only thing you can do is cry takes BRAVERY.
To act happy & laugh when you know that times are at their worst takes COURAGE.
To be joyous when the only good news is best of the bad news takes SUPPORT.
To be there & help others through the roughest times in life takes LOVE.

This was on a friend's FB page and I just couldn't pass up the opportunity to share it. 

A productive weekend...

Here are the highlights of my productive weekend.
1) I decided after having heard the rave reviews of my sister, Meg's shredded pork, that I needed to try it. So last night I started the crockpot with a pork shoulder, a bottle of Sweet Baby Ray's BBQ Sauce, half a bottle of liquid smoke, and some Worcestershire sauce. This morning it was so tender it fell off the bone with a touch of the tongs. My boys thought it was pretty good. Or at least that's what they said when they stopped gobbling to breath.
2) I got half of the dining room closet cleaned out and a good start on food storage going....there is more than just pasta in there now. I found an awesome deal on cake mixes, flour, sugar, canned veggies, and BBQ sauce.  I can't wait to go to the cannery with RS.
3) Finally got the paint for the dining room and got it painted. It is not done yet....I still have to find a chair rail border that I like. I will post pics when / if I get it done.
4)Manged to clean and (drumroll please) vacuum the livingroom. Now for those who haven't tried it , you should try vacuuming when you have two bum ankles....it is a hoot.
All in all, I felt pretty productive this weekend. :)

Rest in Peace Patrick Swayze

Patrick Swayze died today. He is not someone I knew personally, but I feel a loss at his death. You see, he had the same cancer as my dad and was diagnosed about 4 months before my Dad. I have watched his battles as I watched my Dad's. I felt hope when a treatment seemed to stall the cancer's growth. I felt heartache for him and his family as the disease ravaged his body, knowing the helplessness they must have felt. I know that his fight was long and painful. I hope that his passing was peaceful. I wish his family peace and comfort.

Need for recipes

I have put out the call for recipes. I realized I have very few recipes from family and friends. I would appreciate any recipes you can send me.

Who knows....there may just be something in it for you.....Hehehehehe

Please send them to

kristin.elaine@gmail.com

LOL

This was a post I made on Facebook back on 9/5 that I wanted to archive. I loved the comments I got. They made me smile and laugh out loud.

Kristin Smith

is contemplating life, the universe, and everything.....but I am not coming up with 42.


Lisa Eberspacher likes this.

Elizabeth Anderson LOL - I always get 49.....maybe it was a misprint?

Fred R Whitehead III Easy. Be4 you fell, you had 2 good legs.... I'm in trouble for that aren't I?

Friendship...

Today at church we had a wonderful lesson about friendship. Both being a friend and having friends. We listed several traits of a good friend...

KIND...FAITHFUL...POSITIVE...NOBLE...UNCONDITIONALLY LOVING...ENCOURAGING...UNDAUNTED...TRUTHFUL...SHARE IN YOUR JOYS AND SORROWS...COMPASSIONATE...GIVE AND RECIEVE SERVICE

I am very blessed to have a best friend. I met her in my freshman year in high school and we have been joined at the hip ever since. She knows every detail of my life...the good, the bad and the very, very ugly. She has stuck by me through it all. Now this is not to say that we haven't had our fights and trials. At one point we didn't speak for several years. But once the effort was made to reconnect it was as if no time had passed. I am very thankful to have her in my life. She truely understands me, even when I can't tell her what is wrong. I strive to be as good a friend to her as she is to me.

I am also very blessed to have sisters (this includes my sis-inlaws) that are also my friends. We grew up joking about the "Mayo Mafia". The idea being that once you are accepted by our family, you are in for life and if you were born into the family then it goes without saying. The other part of this is that family ALWAYS protects, loves, and stands up for family. No matter what. We are not bound only by blood or marriage but by friendship too. "...thou knowest not how strong those ties are that bind my soul and heart to thee..." (Joseph Smith)

"Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."

~John 15:13

Feeling.....

So I have spent a good part of the last week feeling sorry for myself. I was very depressed and just felt like my world was crumbling around my ears. Monday I was surounded by family. We took Labor day as an excuse to fire up the grill and eat lots of desserts. But, even with everyone here, I felt lonely....or more to the point alone. It was one of those emotional rollercoaster rides.

I woke up Tuesday morning though, feeling great. I was happy and had energy. I am chalking this up to the cathartic atributes of a good cry. Monday night, I blubbered.....there is no other way to describe it. I talked with my friend who listened and advised and generally just let me know I wasn't alone in this and was loved. It was just what I needed.

So here's to a good friend and a cathartic cry.

Frustration...

I went to my ortho appointment this morning. I saw two doctors. Both of which agree the left leg is definitely broken. It is a non-displaced tibia fracture. The right leg is a grade 2 sprain. No significant tears or damage to the ligaments or tendons. So I am in a cast boot on the left and a splint on the right. I have been told I can weight-bear as tolerated with crutches. Their definition of tolerated is not the same as mine. I am ok for about 45 minutes on my feet then I HAVE to sit down because the pain and swelling become more than I am willing to tolerate.

It is terribly frustrating. I am also not used to asking for help. I try to be the one who people come to when they need help. My friends have been really great and brought over several dinner that are oven ready. The RS president (woman's group at church), came over and cleaned my kitchen. The whole time I am sitting there apoligizing because I feel bad she is doing it. People keep asking me what they can do and I don't know how to respond. There are things I am finding I can't do but I feel bad asking for help with them. I feel like I should be able to do it.

The fates have conspired...

Apparently, I needed to be reminded to take some time off. Yesterday, I fell going out to the garage and managed to break my left leg just above the ankle and severely sprained my right ankle. I am in a temporary cast on the left and an air cast on the right. I managed to get up this morning on my crutches and make a reasonable breakfast for g'pa and get g'ma up for the day. Thankfully g'ma was extremely cooperative. it took quite awhile but I managed.

I was also able to get an appointment set up with the orthopeadic group at NKC hospital. They were very nice and willing to see me even though I do not have insurance. I spoke with a very helpful woman in the bookkeeping department who agreed to arrange a payment plan for me. Unfortunately it will make the next several months very tight. I will have $$$ going out to pay for Nic's tuition and now $$$ going out to pay for my ortho.

The Relief Society President (my churches woman's group) came by this morning too. She just wanted to check on me and see what I might need. Mom had called her and told her what had happened. She was great. She chatted for awhile and then she cleaned up my kitchen. I told her I am not very good at being a patient and asking for help and that I really appreciated her doing it.

I guess I am going to have to learn to take it easy for a bit. No matter how difficult it might be.

Queen of the world...

I decided this morning that I need to get back to my routines. Although when the alarm went off at 5am I seriously considered saying screw the routine and staying in bed. But I did not. I got up and went to the gym, I did my workout, got Ian up and out the door for school, settled the grandparents and got Rosie up and going for the day too. I decided to not fall prey to the emotional chaos that seems determined to rule my world.
This past two weeks has been emotional draining for me. I am trying to be "OK" with everything. I don't feel that I have the luxury of falling apart or getting to upset. I did allow myself to eat all comfort foods this weekend and cry a little. But now I have to get on track. I have many "hats" that I wear on a daily basis, Mom, Nurse, Sister, Friend, Daughter, Woman, Psychologist, Housekeeper, etc. But my favorite is a real hat that says, "Queen of the World" I intend to wear it today and expect the rest of the world to play along.

Best laid plans often go awry...

This weekend has been very difficult. It has been two weeks since Sean asked me for a divorce. I know it is the right path for us to take. But it is a bumpy path nonetheless. Sean decided and made plans to move to Wisconsin. He has a friend there who offered him the spare room she has. The plan was for him to leave Friday nite.

So I put it off until the very last minute and finally on Thursday I talked to Ian. Divorce was not even a word in his vocabulary. He understood the basic concept, or so I thought. Friday morning while getting ready for school, he comes to me with two toys in his hands. "Mommy" he says. "This is you and this is Dad (holding one toy in each hand, close together)and Dad is moving away (he pulls one hand far away from the other)but in a little while you will throw your divorce away and he will move back." I didn't know what to say to that. I tried again to explain that a divorce isn't something you can just throw away. And that Dad and I loved him but we couldn't live together anymore. He took in stride and headed off to school.

Sean spent Friday finalizing things and packing. He had set it up to stay in a hotel Friday night and leave out early Saturday morning. The plan was for him to say good bye to the kids Friday night. Well as you know the best laid plans often fail as did this one. His friend's flight was delayed getting in, the rental car couldn't be picked up until Saturday morning so he couldn't load it until Saturday morning, etc. SO by the time he got everything worked out it was 11am, both kids were awake and wanting to know what was going on. So he ended up saying good bye to them all over again.

Emotions were running high. Rosie only understands that Daddy had to go away. And now she is having real separation anxiety. If I mention anything that sounds like I am leaving she goes into hysterics. I was talking about going to the gym in the morning, she over heard me and started sobbing "No you cant go I will miss you too much." No matter what I said she would not let go of it. At church she was all gungho to go to nursery until she realized I wasn't staying in nursery. It didn't help that it was nap time. So we walked the hall for a bit until she fell asleep and I went to sunday school. Ian however did really well. He was really excited because the librarian from his school goes to our church (this was the first time we have gone to this congregation). He went right in to Sunday school class and was happy as a lark and made a couple of new friends right away.

I have been down this road before. I know it will be difficult and will take time to settle. I expect Ian will be ok for a little while and then it will hit him that this is for real and then he will struggle for a bit. I have added to my prayer for strength to handle my burdens. I also ask for the children to be granted the understanding and strength that they need.

The strength of an ant....

Brenda was almost halfway to the top of the tremendous granite cliff. She was standing on a ledge where she was taking a breather during this, her first rock climb. As she rested there, the safety rope snapped against her eye and knocked out her contact lens . "Great", she thought. "Here I am on a rock ledge, hundreds of feet from the bottom and hundreds of feet to the top of this cliff, and now my sight is blurry."

She looked and looked, hoping that somehow it had landed on the ledge. But it just wasn't there. She felt the panic rising in her, so she began praying. She prayed for calm, and she prayed that she may find her contact lens.

When she got to the top, a friend examined her eye and her clothing for the lens, but it was not to be found. Although she was calm now that she was at the top, she was saddened because she could not clearly see across the range of mountains. She thought of the bible verse "The eyes of the Lord run to and fro throughout the whole earth."

She thought, "Lord, You can see all these mountains. You know every stone and leaf, and You know exactly where my contact lens is. Please help me."

Later, when they had hiked down the trail to the bottom of the cliff they met another party of climbers just starting up the face of the cliff. One of them shouted out, "Hey, you guys! Anybody lose a contact lens?"

Well, that would be startling enough, but you know why the climber saw it? An ant was moving slowly across a twig on the face of the rock, carrying it!

The story doesn't end there. Brenda's father is a cartoonist. When she told him the incredible story of the ant, the prayer, and the contact lens, he drew a cartoon of an ant lugging that contact lens with the caption, "Lord, I don't know why You want me to carry this thing. I can't eat it, and it's awfully heavy. But if this is what You want me to do, I'll carry it for You."

This has become my new mantra , "God, I don't know why You want me to carry this load. I can see no good in it and it's awfully heavy. But, if You want me to carry it, I will."

I definitely feel like the ant these days. It seems everytime I turn around a new burden has been added to my load. I have to believe there is a reason. This is not to say that there aren't moments that I want to cry and scream and rail at the unfairness of it all. But when all is said and done I pick the load back up and continue on. When I was younger I would pray to have my burdens taken from me. Now I pray for the strength to carry them.

ABC's

Bet you didn't know all of these.

A - Age: 37
B - Bed size: Queen
C - Chore you hate: laundry...it never ends
D - Dog's name: Sumner and Suzy
E - Essential start your day item: Coffee
F - Favorite color: green
G - Gold or Silver or Platinum: Silver as a general rule, but I do wear gold occassionally
H - Height: 5'6
I - Instruments you play: Used to play Flute and Saxophone
J - Job title: Mom/Nurse
K - Kid(s): TIm, Nic, Ian, Rosie
L - Living arrangements: with grandparents, and kids and Sean
M - Mom's name: Alexis
N - Nicknames: Krissy, Kris, K, Jabberjaws, Mommy
O - Overnight hospital stay other than birth: Nope
P - Pet Peeves: Stupid people
Q - Quote from a movie: As you wish
R - Right handed or left handed: both
S - Siblings: Lisa, Meagan, Samantha, James, Seth
T - Time you wake up: 5am - so I can get a workout out in before the masses arise
U- Underwear: Yes
V - Vegetable you dislike: Lima Beans
W - Ways you run late: getting kids ready then myself
X - X-rays you've had: chest, arm, toe.
Y - Yummy food you make: Mac and Cheese, bread, chicken and dumplings
Z - Zoo favorite: Pandas

UPDATE: Nic's audition

We recieved Nic's official acceptance today. Now all I have to do is figure out how much the budget wil allow.

There are options for lessons Fall 2009 TUITION –
Lesson Duration Once a week Twice a week
30 min $560 $1120
45 min $800 $1600
60 min $960 $1920
Group Theory Lessons - Free

Luckily, they have it set-up so you can make 4 monthly installments. I am also looking in to scholarship options.

1st Grade

Ian started 1st grade yesterday. He was excited to go. I on the other hand came to the realization that he is growing up much faster than I would prefer. He is suddenly a boy with his own opinions and preferences. I can no longer lay out clothes for him and expect him to wear them, he wants to pick put his own....whether or not they match. This morning he left wearing two different socks. He was well aware of this and insisted it was what he wanted to wear. All I could do was wave goodbye as the bus pulled away and hope he doesn't get teased about it. As a parent, I worry about his grades, the safety of the school bus ride, etc. but, what worries me the most is ...What if he gets teased or picked on at school. I can't protect him.

I know this is silly and there are much greater dangers and obstacles in the world. It just happens to be the one thing that struck me today as the thing I was worried about. I guess I will know how he fared when he gets off the bus this afternoon.

Journeys and Changes

There remains no reasonable likelihood that the marriage can be preserved and therefore the marriage is irretrievably broken.

This statement is the only acceptable grounds on which to file for an uncontested divorce in Missouri. I find it interesting that it very accurately describes Sean and I's situation. We have struggled for the past year or two, trying to figure out how to fall back in love with each other and preserve our marriage. We weren't able to figure it out but, have become very good actors apparently. I am surprise by how many people have said, " I had no idea things weren't good between you to." Then the next question is usually "so what happened?" It is hard to explain. There isn't any one thing. It has been an accumulation of multiple things over a long time. I have learned it is possible to love someone but not be IN love with them.

After a surpisingly short conversation, Sean and I agreed it would be better to end things now while we are still ok with each other than to wait until we morphed in to enemies with such animosity between us that we couldn't agree on anything. It has been agreed that the kids will stay here with me and we will share custody. Sean plans to see them as often as possible. He will be moving up to Wisconsin at the end of this month (aug 29). He has friend who lives up there that has a spare room. It will be difficult for him to be so far away from the kids but KC holds alot of pain and grief for him. In the long run he will heal much faster and probably more completely by not being here (KC).

There is a whole gammit of emotion right now, but soon things will settle into a new routine and we will begin new journeys in our lives. As the saying goes...Time heals all wounds.