ARGHH!

Last night was a rough one. The kids refused to go to bed and then proceeded to antagonize each other for another hour or so. I finally got to bed about 11:30 and was woken every hour on the hour to the sounds of "I need water. LORINE, WHERE ARE YOU, WHY AREN'T YOU HELPING ME!" (My g'pa has taken to calling me Lorine) I love my children and my grandfather however, I am getting to a place where I don't like them very much.  My attitude sucks right now.

I can not tell you how much I am looking forward to Friday. My sisters, mom and I have been doing a challenge. We have been keeping track of the minutes we workout this month.  Now you will notice I said minutes worked out, not pounds lost.  This was supposed to be motivation to get us all moving more. The person with the most minutes gets their dinner bought at our GNO this friday. We decided to go to Cascone's , an italian resturant. YUMMY! I also decided I needed a break, a night off from being Mom/Nurse/Wife/add job description here. So I have gotten myself a hotel room for Friday night. I am going to enjoy the peace and quiet for one whole night! I can take a bath with out a child demanding to come in, or watch a movie uninterupted, or just sleep with out a knee in my back and being woken up constantly. It is only one night but I am going to make the most out of it. I am hoping to come back a little more refreshed and with a better attitude (did I mention mine sucks right now). 

If it works I may have to make it a monthly thing.

Just for Hannah....

This is our world!

And spring returns.....

And spring has sprung. 

I took these around our neighborhood after the snow melted. It is really starting to look like spring....now if we could just get the temperatures to warm up.

Do something

I have been trying to figure out something I could "do" regarding Dad's cancer diagnosis. I have also been trying to figure out how to "do" something to motivate myself to get healthy and reduce my own risk factors. Last week, I got an email from PanCan.org. It was about the Hospital Hill run. The run is a way to raise money for your cause. I have decided to do the 10K run to raise money for Pancreatic Cancer Action Network and to raise awareness of the disease and the need for money to do research  and to treat those who already have it.  This 10K also gives me a goal and a reason to get up and go to the gym every morning. The occassional "you go girl", emails,  prayers, and good thoughts would really be appreciated to keep me motivated.

 If you are interested in how the fundraising is coming along or want to make your own donation, check out.....http://www.firstgiving.com/daddygirls

If you want to know more about the Pancreatic Cancer Action Network go to www.pancan.org

What happened to Spring?

When Nic and I left for the gym this morning it was raining. By the time we were done and heading home we were greeted with snow. Big, heavy, wet snow flakes. 

What happened to SPRING?

Crash, Bang, BOOM

Crash, bang, rattle, boom , crash, rattle, rattle....these were the sounds that were coming form my dining room. The first thought I had, as I ran from the other side of the house, was that someone had fallen and taken the dining room table with them. Instead I was greeted by the sight of our dog, Sumner, having lost his mind and trying to climb thru the picture window. 

This little creature was the cause of all the commotion as he scampered around the tree in the front yard.

Nic and Katie all dressed up.

Nic and Katie were all dressed up for a dance last weekend but stopped long enough to apprease the pavarotzi.

Super Mom

Quiz results

I took the "Which type of woman are you?" quiz on Facebook today.

The  result is: Lovely Lady

You are lovely and caring. You help others and spread out a lot of sympathy. Your life aim maybe is to serve the people. But your weakness is that you forget about yourself, your own needs. All your time is hold back for your friends and family. You are always there for people in trouble. Ready for any emergency. You make a lot of sacrifices just to be a good human. But every woman has her needs, her longings and a destiny. Don't loose yourself in work or curing other people's souls. You will have your own problems in your life. Another problem is that you don't say your opinion when it's right and important to say it. People trample onto your soul if you are always so kind and lovely and helpful. They will play on you. Though you should try to relax more and enjoy your life, you should not loose the gift that was given to you to help others . Not everyone is created this way... You are uniqe and rare!

It is a little scarey how acurate it is.

In loving memory...

Sarah Louise Peyton passed away this morning after a brave battle with pancreatic cancer.  The quote below says everything about Aunt Sarah. 

"Love does not measure; it just gives." -Mother Teresa

She is loved and will be missed. 

The Wall

Here is a recap of the last two weeks or so....

G'pa went to the hospital for shortness of breath. he was hospitalized for a week. He was released to rehab for physical therapy. He was there for 1 1/2 days and was sent back to the hospital with a fever of 102. He had an infection called C-diff. It is nasty stuff but very treatable. So back to rehab he went after a couple of days.  About every two days I get the angry phone call asking me why I havent come to get him yet. Yesterday I went to pick up his laundry and visit for a bit and spent most of the time argueing with him about why he wasn't coming home with me right then. I explained that he needed to get stronger and be able to use his walker, which at the moment he is not. He is also starting to have more and more episodes of confusion and dementia. 

Intertwined with this, my dad went in for a "routine" endoscopy. He ended up vomiting while he was still under and spent a week in the hospital for suspected aspiration pneumonia. He got home, had his chemo. He has also had a headache for two months so they did and MRI this week. We don't know the results yet. He has a CT and PET scan scheduled for next week to check on the tumor status. Then last night he was admitted to ICU for monitoring due to a fever and another  infection (possibly related to the aspiration pneumonia). 

My husband has been fighting open wounds on his legs and finally went to the wound clinic. They cleaned, medicated and wrapped him up. After three visits they are finally healing. This is after 5 months of constant problems and 2 ER visits. He still has to have them wrapped daily but at least they are healing. They did more blood work today so we will see what it has to say next week.

My "mother-in-law" (this is the aunt who raised Sean after his mother passed) She has been fighting pancreatic cancer. She was a nurse and so, opted for chemo and a trial therapy. The thought the tumor had shrunk with the chemo and she was stable enough for surgery but when they got in there, they discovered the cancer had metastisised to her liver and they werent able to do anything. She was sent home with hospice last Friday. We spent most of the weekend down at her house. Their were relatives there that Sean hadn't seen in years and I had never met. It was a little intimidating.  I took the camera and insisted on taking everyone's pictures. I want to be able to show them to Rosie and Ian so they know their family. Two nights ago we got a call that they had started 6 hour watches on Sarah because her breathing was becoming more labored. All I can do in pray she has peace and knows how loved she is.

My g'ma has finally recovered from the UTI she had and is getting more fiesty.Then Tuesday, I got a call from her MD office telling me they want a bone scan done. Apparently there was some value on her last blood work that indicated concern. She is in late stage Alzheimer's, I don't know how they think she is going to cooperate with a scan. I don't think she should be sedated because of the risks and if they do find something, what then? She isn't a candidate for surgery. We are still working on whether or not to go forward with it.

Ian tells me last night that we need to plan some "alone time". This is right after a screaming fit because he wasn't getting his way about something.  I know this is his way of getting my attention because I haven't been giving him enough. I am trying to figure out how to give him more. I know he is feeling left out. Without Tim around he doesn't get much one on one attention. (Tim is still in Washington). 

Rosie is being more crabby too. And I am sure it is due to lack of attention on my part. She also misses Nic. He is home most weekends but then we have been gone alot. 

As for me, I have been on the back burner. I have been so busy taking care of everyone else that I don't have any energy left over for me. I can't leave the house unless someone can watch g'ma or I take her with me.  It is taking it's toll.  I also miss having my boys around. I hit my wall yesterday. 

This morning, I feel like I spent the night crashing into it....... repeatedly. 

Update

I think I have now met all the ER docs at Spelman and am working on all the on-call cardiologists and MD's at St. Luke's -Barry Rd.

First it was Sean, he has venous stasis ulcers that got infected on both legs. Took going twice and seeing two different docs. He is still dealing with them not healing.

Then it was Rosie, she developed a diaper rash that then got infected and abscessed in two areas. They sent us down to Children's Mercy Hosp. There they were able to drain the abscesses and get her on an antibiotic. It is looking really good today.

Next it was G'pa. He woke me up last Thursday nite because he couldn't breath. You have to understand that he NEVER voluntarily goes to the ER. So when I asked him if he wanted to go and he immediately said yes and got dressed, I knew something was not right. He ended up transferred and admitted to St. Luke's for CHF and Pneumonia.  They got his cardiac stuff stabilized then started working on the pneumonia. Monday, there was concern that his creatinine was to high so they gave him fluids to try to flush the kidneys. Yesterday it had gone up another 0.1 points. Still working in this one, basically his kidneys aren't very happy right now. In addition, he had a "episode" of extreme confusion , combativeness and was very argumentative. This is not his norm with nurses and MD's....with me he can get that way some times....but them, no. So I went down there and sat with with him so they could get the labs and EKG they needed. They did a head CT but didn't find a cause for the "episode". We are now in wait and see mode.

In the meantime, Ian got the evil ick that everyone else had and has been a miserable child to deal with. He is better and went back to school this week. Although, he still has a nagging cough.

G'ma has also caught the ick and has a UTI. Took her to the MD and they put her on an antibiotic that will cover the kidneys and lungs.  Again this is a wait and see situation. I am hopeful the meds will kick in and she will be back to telling the kids to "hush" soon.

Tim left for Seattle yesterday. 

Nic seems to have gotten over the evil ick with minimal lasting effects. He starts track next week. So be on the look out for divots in the back yard as he perfects his shot put techniques.

As for me.....I got the evil ick too, but mine went straight to my sinuses. I am now fighting a sinus infection.  My biggest issue right now is finding the time and energy to keep the house clean, do laundry, feed people and run errands. 

It seems to be a losing battle, but I press on.

I want a do-over.....please!

I want a do-over for the past week. 

First I want the evil ick that has invaded our house to go away and NEVER come back.

Sean got sick, Nic and Tim were sick, Rosie was sick with it and now Ian has it. And I was sick with, even though Mommies aren't allowed to be sick.

Second , I want to have taken Rosie to the ER sooner than I did.

Rosie broke out with a rash. I thought it was due to the evil ick or her pull-ups so, I switched her to cloth panties. The rash got worse. I thought maybe chicken pox, as it was itching her. Then the rash developed white pus on the tops. Next, she had what resembled a boil on her flank. I  treated it like a boil and put warm compresses on it til it burst. Then cleaned it. The rash continued to itch so still thinking it might be chicken pox, I put Rosie in a baking soda bath. It helped for a bit. But I noticed she had a boil (#2) on her thigh. It hurt her alot. Now, I am really not sure what I am dealing with. She has had a cold symptoms all week and this rash and now another huge boil (#3) in her groin. I am completely freaked out so I took her to the local ER. The MD, very nice, calm guy, looked at her and said I think this is Staph and you will need to take her to Children's Mercy so they can sedate her and open them up. (This is where I recieved my first nomination for the worst mom of the year award.) He set everything up and we headed off (there is more to the heading off part but I will get into that in a minute). Once at Children's we were seen by Dr. Giovanni, who had been warned we were coming. She looked at Rosie and agreed that it was probably Staph or MRSA and would require opening the abcesses to drain them. That done (I will spare you the details), we headed home.

Third, I wish I had been able to come up with a better solution than having Nic watch g'ma.

Not being able to get ahold of anyone else, I called my ever faithful son Nic and asked him to come babysit so I could take Rosie to the hospital. He agreed. I felt horrible having to ask him but knew he could handle it (all except getting g'ma to bed) and would know what to do in an emergency.  After I picked him up (this is the more than just packing up and going part) and picked up Sean from work, I got ahold of Mom. She agreed to come over and help Nic get g'ma to bed. I expected she would go home afterwords. Instead she stayed. She said she wasnt comfortable leaving Nic there by himself. I agree with here it wasnt the ideal situation but I couldn't come up with a better one. (This is where I recieved by 2nd nomination for worst mother or the year.)

Fourth,  it would have been great if I had remembered that on Fridays Sean goes in at 9a.

(And in a special catagory, the nomination for worst wife of the year). I went to the store this morning thinking I could get things done and get back by 10 a so Sean could get to work by 11a. He didn't say anything, so off I went at 8:15. Needless to say I figured this out at 9:45, on my way home.......................... He was late.

So if some one has a "Wayback Machine" I can borrow I would really like a do-over.

Mommies aren't allowed to be sick....

Mommies do not get sick. It's a rule. But, don't look for it in your handy-dandy "What to Expect When You're the Mom" book. They don't tell you the ugly truth - moms are not allowed to be sick, even if we do have a doctor's note.

Oh, we're allowed to catch germs, of course. Bacteria and viruses are allowed to invade our bodies. But we're not allowed to indulge them by doing something frivolous like staying in bed and drinking plenty of fluids.

So naturally, we  try to avoid getting sick. This isn't easy. We live with children, who everyone knows are walking, talking, coughing Petri dishes who bring home every germ imaginable. It does not matter how many times we wash our hands. It doesn't matter how many counters and sinks we wipe down with anti-bacterial wipes. Frankly, we could shower with Purel and we would still be exposed to germs.

But, as every mommy of a 2-year old knows, just because you aren't allowed to do something, doesn't mean you're not going to do it anyway. The problem is, when mommies get sick, all hell breaks loose. I know this from experience. I have spent the last two days being sick. 

The problem is, I'm the mom. And apparently, even though we all live in the same house - they don't know where anything is. So I am pestered constantly to find bread, medicine, toys, TV channels and  clean underwear.

And then  I took the cold medicine - and had hallucinations. At least I hope that they were hallucinations and that there really aren't several large elephants living in my bedroom .

Being the mommy when you're sick sucks!!

Scene from Pretty Woman

For those who don't know, Pretty Woman is one of my favorite movies.  There is one scene where Vivian (Julia Roberts) comes to the concierge, Barney (Hector Elizondo), very upset because she has money to spend and no one will let her. He was able to fix her problem with the help of a friend and a phone call. 

I have felt like I was living this scene today. Unfortunately for me, there is no concierge with a shiny silver phone to come to my rescue.  I got our tax return and wanted to get some things today. Only no one wants to take my check and I haven't gotten my debit card yet.  There wasn't any problem yesterday when I wanted to buy groceries. I double checked to make sure the deposit had cleared (it cleared yesterday) but still could not purchase my items.   Luckily, I wasn't purchasing anything that can't wait a few days for my debit card to arrive or the bank to be open. It was just terribly frustrating.

And hysterical laughter insued

This past week has been less eventful than the previous week.  We only had one major mishap with Rosie. As a mother of four, I should know better than to let a two year old wash her own hands. Apparently she thought she needed to wash her face too. While washing her face, she pushed the soap up to get it out of her eyes and thought...well my hair is already wet, might as well wash it too. So 1/2 a botttle of baby wash later, she comes to me and says , "Mommy, I need help!" All I could do was laugh. It was one of those moments that you know you should be upset but it is hysterically funny instead. 

And people wonder why moms are tired....

Names...

YOUR REAL NAME: Kristin Elaine VanCleave Smith

WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (mother and fathers middle names) Miller Claude

YOUR SECRET SPY NAME: (your first name backwards) Nitsirk

NASCAR NAME: (first name of your mother's dad, father's dad) Jim Hays

STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name) Smikr

DETECTIVE NAME: (favorite color, favorite animal) Green Panda

SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, county where you were born) Elaine Indianna

SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd fav color, fav drink, add "THE" to the beginning) The Purple Hypnotic

FLY NAME: (first 2 letters of 1st name, last 2 letters of your last name) Krth

STREET NAME: (fav ice cream flavor, fav cookie) Chocolate Oatmeal

PORN STAR NAME: (1st pet's name, street you grew up) Pudding Beechaven Drive

YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first 3 letters of last name plus izzle) Smiizzle

YOUR GOTH NAME: (black, and the name of one of your pets) Black Sumner

YOUR NEXT CHILDS NAME: (name of your fav perfume/cologne, fav candy) Ombre Rose Peppermint

You have to answer in ONE word...

This is one of the few survey thingies I think I might be able to do.You are supposed to type only ONE word answers. Here goes.....

It's harder than you think!! 

Where is your cell phone?....kitchen
Your hair? .........messy
Your father? .......amazing
Your favorite thing? .........daffodils
Your dream last night?...none
Your favorite drink? ...........lemonade
Your dream/goal? ..........survive
The room you are in? ......kitchen
Your fear? ........failing
Where do you want to be in 6 years?.....comfortable
Muffins? .............sweet
One of your wish list items?.........book
Where you grew up? .......Midwest
The last thing you did? .......dinner
What are you wearing?.......jeans
Your TV?........... news
Your pets? .........dog
Your computer? .....laptop
Your life? .........complicated
Your mood? ........exasperated
Missing someone? ....yes
Your car? ....van
Favorite store?.....thrift
Your summer? .....fun
Your favorite color? ........green
When is the last time you laughed? ...today
Last time you cried? ....... saturday
Three people who email me? ..........sean, david, nic
Favorite foods? ........pasta
Where would you rather be right now? ....elsewhere

weighty humor....

This was just cool...

This is the sign outside of my grandparents MD's private office. I just thought it was really cool.

Combining of Blogs

For those of you following my other blog about the grandparents, I have combine that with this one. I found that it is easier. My blogs will continue to post to Multiply as well.

Simplify where you can. :)

Not a routine MD appt.

Today was supposed to be a simple run of the mill doctor appointment. Instead it turned into a fiasco. I took G'ma for a md appointment to have her coumadin level checked in Bethany. (We have an appt with a new MD next week closer to home) For those who don't know, coumadin is a bloodthinner. Levels are supposed to be 3 to 5, hers was 14.9. That is scarey high. So they imediately gave her vitamin K, which reverses the effects of the coumadin, but it wasn't enough. Her MD confered with his partner and decided to sent her to the hospital for fresh, frzen plasma. So what should have been a 1/2 hour appointment has now turned into several hours.  

To back track abit... Thinking this was going to be a routine visit, Sean, Ian and Rosie came with me. It is a 90 mile drive to Bethany. So while I am sitting next to G'ma at the hospital, trying to keep her from pulling out the IV, Sean is trying to entertain the two rugrats. He took them for dinner at Country Kitchen and then to Walmart for toy shopping. Meanwhile, G'pa is home. Mom went over and got him dinner and Tim came home to stay with him. G'pa has a tendency to freak out if we are gone to long (he also has no concept of time). 

While at the hospital, the nursing staff took pictures of G'ma's bruised knees and hand (see blog about her tumbling down the stairs). I know they have to do it for documentation but it sure made me feel like a heel. I know I couldn't have caught her but, I feel like I somehow should have prevented it. 

 I wonder if I can handle having G'ma and G'pa at home. I thought I could. But my experience has been with multiple patients as a nurse, with several aides to help me. It is different being one on two. It is like have a two year old who is 5'2" and too smart for their own good, combined with a forgetful, frail, fall prone, stubborn 80-something old. 

I feel like taking care of them is the only thing I can do to lessen the burden on my mom. She has enough on her plate with dad's situation. But I also feel like I am making it worse because she is the one I call first when something like today happens. 

I hope things will settle into something of a routine soon.

Nurse Humor

And life gets interesting...

We have managed to get thru 5 days without incident. Then today comes along...

The morning started out normal. G'ma got up about 9am, I convinced her into the shower (that was a feat unto itself), she had breakfast and decided to lay down for a nap.   For those who don't know the layout of the house, there is a door in the kitchen that leads to the finished basement. The kids rooms and the rec room are downstairs so they are up and down all the time. I was working in the kitchen and had the basement door closed (we have been keeping it closed to discourage G'ma from the stairs). I turned around just in time to see G'ma open the door and tumble down the stairs. Luckily, she summersaulted the whole way and did not get hurt badly. She has a small cut on her palm and bruised knees. I, on the other hand, think my heart skipped several beats in that moment.  I feel horrible that it happened.  I thought we had taken the correct precautions to keep her from falling but I was obviously wrong. Needless to say, I will be purchasing and installing a gate to keep her from doing it again. I have found a safety gate that is secured / screwed to the wall and can be positioned in the doorway high enough to keep her from going over the top.  What's next?

Day 3 with G'ma

It has been interesting. G'ma has a routine of sorts going. Unfortunately, G'pa is totally discombobulated. He wants her in his room but doesn't understand when she doesn't want to get up in the morning at 7am when he does. He also is having trouble with letting her do things. He wants her to sit in the recliner all day. I keep telling him it is fine for her to walk around and there isn't anything she can get in trouble with. Mainly she just putters and tries to "clean-up".  It is especially funny to watch her try to "clean up" the computer as Sean is working on it.

Frustration followed by excitement

I am sooo frustrated!!! and also excited.

Let me explain, I am on this weight loss quest. I have been really good...going to the gym daily, eating healthy and not snacking, cut down to two sodas a day (working on cutting it out completely), etc. As part of this I having been weighing once a week. I dropped 5 lbs right off the bat. That was two weeks ago. The scale has not moved since, not down and not up. I was so frustrated with it that I made Ian stand on the scale just so I could make sure it was working correctly.....it was. 

Now on the flip side I was able to put on a pair of jeans this morning that 3 weeks ago I couldn't get into. These were the jeans that you have to lay down on the bed and use a pair of pliers to pull up the zipper. This morning, I put them on and not only could I get into them fairly easily, I could zip them.....while standing up!!!!  I was excited, because although the scale hasnt moved, I now have proof that what I am doing is working.

Grandma moves in...

Grandma moved from Crestview today. She is doing pretty well. The trip home to Smithville was fun. Tim drove so I could pay attention to her. She apparently enjoys Tim's choice in music. She was clapping along and singing.  Once home she was greeted by Grandpa Jim. She recognized him and sat holding his hand for awhile. He seems happy she is here. There was a bit of a issue because he expected her to stay sitting still and she wanted to walk around. He finally realized she was not going to sit for more than a few minutes and that I was there and watching out for her. She walked around investigating closets and rooms. She settled down and sat at the dining room table with us for dinner. She doesn't understand silverware anymore so she has to be fed. She ate really well, though. After dinner she was content to sit in the living room with Grandpa for a bit.  I helped her get ready for bed. We have her room at set-up but at Grandpa's request I helped her to bed in his room. I am holding my breath everytime I think I hear something from that room.  I told Grandpa that if she woke up to call for me or Sean, but I doubt he will. He is stubborn. 

It is proving interesting for Sean. He has not dealt with someone with advanced Alzheimer's before now. He is kind of sitting back to see how I do things then following my lead.  I find myself going into nurse mode. I keep waiting for a little icon of a nurse's cap to appear above my head.  

Karma points

I was at Sam's Club with Mom and Nic earlier today. I went out to bring the van up to the door ahead of Mom and Nic.  As I was walking out to the van I notice a older woman, about 85ish, struggling to get her groceries out of the cart and into her car.  She had a cane in her cart and was having to hold onto the edge of it to keep her balance, so she only had one hand to use to get things out. I saw that she had one of those roasted chickens and a big box of hot chocolate. Both of these items require two hands to pick up.   I went over and offered to help her. I picked up the chicken and asked her where she wanted it and put it in the car with her hot chocolate. Then I handed her cane to her and took the cart back to the stall. As I turned around, I saw her looking at me with the "What just happened?" look.  I had to walk back by her to get to the van. As I passed her, she said thank you again and I said, "I hope you have a good day". Her response was "I think I will now." It made me feel good to think that just by giving her two minutes of my time I was able to improve her day.

Getting things ready for Grandma

I spent this morning with Mom shopping for items we need before I move Grandma down. We got her a bed and bedding along with a shower chair and toilet riser. I am waiting for the bolts for the daybed we got from Seth and Staci; the plan is to get them tomorrow. Once that is put together we can start the arrangements to bring her down from Bethany. The plan is too try to bring her down the first week of February.

Strength training setup

I met with my trainer at the YMCA today and we set up a weight program. Last week I was able to meet my goal of going 5 days. I took yesterday, Sunday, off. My goal this week os to go everyday but Sunday and do the weight circut at least three of those days. I am not counting today because we just set it up. I did do a full cardio workout though. I rode the bike. Now the cool part is the bike is not just one of those upright pedal til you think your legs will fall off things. It has this screen that allows you to pick a course to ride and it appears on the screen as if you are really riding it. You can move the handle bars to avoid other riders and it increases you're intensity to mimic the grades of the course. You also set the gears just like a regular bike. It also allows you to plug in head phones and choose from different music stations.  For those of you who are used to going to the gym this is probably not news but I still think it is cool and I'll take anything that keeps me motivated to keep going.

Tried a new recipe for dinner tonight

I tried a new recipe tonight. 

Tilapia with Dill cream sauce

Everyone really enjoyed it. I served it with steamed brussel sprouts ( the sauce is really good on them), corn and rice.

It is super easy to make!!!

I posted the recipe in the recipe section of my multiply site.

http://krisybear.multiply.com/recipes

Fun at the pool / am I insane moment...

So I offered to take Lisa's kids yesterday while Chad and Sean went out for guy time.  I am not sure what possessed me. They had a half day of school and Lisa had to work this weekend.  I figured she could use the sleep. All the kids came over and we went to the pool. Meagan and her kids came with us. 

For those of you keeping count it was...

Me, Meagan, Nic, Ian, Rosie, Heather, Cassidy, Luke, Caitlyn, Devon, and Jade. That is 3 "adults" and 8 kids. 

Amazingly it went well. Except for the occassional reprimand for running, nobody got in trouble or hurt. We had the expected fit about leaving but managed to get everybody dressed and out the door with everything.  Totino's was kind enough to put their pizzas on sale so that was dinner. 8 pizzas and an entire pitcher of koolaid later, everyone was fed.  Meg took Cassidy and Jade to her house, Chad dropped off Sean and took Caitlyn home.  Everybody else stayed here. I pulled a mom and went to bed at about 10:30 with Rosie. Tim and Nic hung out with the little guys and kept them from burning down the house. 

Needless to say, I did not lose my mind, the kids seemed to have fun, and the house is still standing.

I just might do it again. Maybe :)

Settling back in...

Things have calmed down from the holidays. Grandpa saw doctor Hall last week and was given a clean bill of health. We also went to see grandma. She was much more active and awake than I had seen her before. She was able to talk alittle. It is still nonsensical most of the time but she had a few brief moments of some clarity. She didn't know me but recognized the name Kristin. Grandpa came away feeling good about the visit. 

I talked to the nurses and social service worker about moving grandma. We are shooting for the end of the month. Mom and I are going shopping on Monday for a bed and toilet riser, etc.  I have resigned myself to the fact that I will not be able to leave the house easily after we move her in. I know the plan was fro me to have two days off a week but I do not see that happening. Mom is now in classes for her masters, Lisa has a crazy schedule and Jenny, Meg and Sam do not handle nursing things well.  Sean is looking at a job that would be 11a to 7p. This would allow me to still go to the gym/Y daily. That will be my escape so to speak. Otherwise I will have to plan time out and get a sitter. 

I am not sure how Sean will handle grandma being here. it is hard on him to have grandpa here. He worries about him constantly. He needs to find a joba nd get out of the house soon.

Another mommy brag moment....

Nic was invited to play with the choir at their last preformace. I am extremely impressed with him. He was given the music on Monday and they preformed on Thursday evening. It was fantastic!  I am still trying to figure out how to upload the video. I will let you know if I ever figure it out!

I did manage to upload it to my multiply account.

YMCA and other things

I officially joined the Y and have been actually going.  I have been pretty good about sticking to the low-fat diet. It has paid off. I have lost 5 lbs. Now I know, rationally, that it is mostly water weight but it still feels good to see that scale needle move to the left.  I also met with the trainer at the Y today. Her name is Sam. She is great. I scared her to death though when we did the 3 minute step assessment. It is this test to see how hard your heart is working when you exercise. It is tough. You have to step you onto a workout step with both feet then step off with both feet for 3 minutes. They take your heart rate before and after.  I made it to 2 1/2 minutes then had to stop. I was breathing hard etc. She had taken my resting heart rate at 69 bpm, then my heart rate when I stopped...it was 179 bpm. This is not good. I think, she thought I was going to have a heart attack right there on the spot. It was kind of funny. After I had caught my breathe we went on to the strength test. This is where you see what your max weight is for the bench press and leg press. I did 160 lbs on the bench and 300 lbs ont he leg press. I was impressed. For the moment we agreed on a cardio plan. I am meeting with her again next week to get setup on the weight machines and to discuss goals and reasons for doing this.  I have what I think is a realistic goal in mind, get under 200lbs by the end of the year. My ultimate goal is 150 lbs. We'll see if she agrees with me. My reasons are pretty straight forward:

1. I need to get healthy.

2. I want my kids to see mom being healthy, so they will learn healthy habits too.

3. I want to look good. 

4. I want feel good about my body again.

So to sum it up. I am working out and have lost 5 lbs. 

Current weight 240lbs.

Top 10....An update for those who aren't in the know...

1. We are now in Smithville, MO.

2. My dad has pancreatic cancer.

3. My aunt-in-law (she is basically my MIL) has pancreatic cancer.

4. We live with and care for my grandfather who is in frail health and grandmother who has alzheimer's.

5. My oldest is 18...enough said.

6. My 16 year old moved in with his grandparents to continue attending Kearney High (long story involving step-mother and her issues).

7. My six year old has discovered how to be sassy.

8. My two year old is 2. WHY? WHY? WHY? HOW? WHAT? you get the idea.

9. We now have a dog named Sumner.

10. I haven't lost my mind.............yet.

Mommy brag moment...

This is my mommy brag moment. 

I have a really good looking kid. This picture was taken last summer in Washington. 

Tim and Selena.

2007

And so it begins....

We are almost a week into the new year. I have decided to start a health plan.  I am going to revisit the Alli diet and join the YMCA. My goal is to get healthy this year. All of the family health crisis have put things into a unique perspective for me and I realized I have let myself slip dramatically. I am hoping if I blog my progress and slip ups it will keep me honest and on track. So wish me luck and here goes.

 

Just for the record,  picture was taken on 12/29/2008. I weigh 245lbs.

Sunset

Occassionally, we are privledged to a few moments of something spectatular.
This photo does not do justice to the sunset we witnessed.
Taken January 1, 2009

G'pa not feeling well....

Grandpa called me into the living room today. He said he wasn't feeling well. I start asking the usual nurse questions..."what doesn't feel good", Dizzy, Fever, etc. He was pale and a little shakey, no fever, kinda confused, and having difficulty concetrating on what I am saying. Finally got to the part where he tells me, that when he got up to go to the bathroom and his hand went numb and he felt dizzy and shakey. I suspect he had a TIA. As we talk more he becomes more clear and his color comes back. He insists he doesn't want to go to the ER. I can't see any reason to take him at this point. All they will do is run blood work and possible a CT scan and tell me he may have had a TIA. So I will continue to watch him. He now tells me he is feeling better.

Moved in....

Well, we are in the new house and getting settled in. There are still boxes everywhere and furniture is not quite right yet but it is coming along.  I have been able to get the dining room, living room and kitchen put together. Grandpa is settling into a routine and so are the kids. Ian started school today. He is in the AM kindergarten class so I can actually get things done while he is in school. Rosie is quite happy to help in the morning or go in the car for errands. After Ian gets home it is harder to go out due to naps and crankiness. But those few hours in the AM are good.

Walmart is becoming well acquianted with me. I seem to have to go every other day right now. Hopefully that will settle down once I get everything put away and figure out where that darn measuring cup went, etc.

If you need the new address, email me and I will send it to you.

So it begins...

December 6, 2008 we all moved into a new house in Smithville; Me, Sean, the kids and Grandpa. It is a  nice big house with plenty of room for everyone. Grandpa has his own room and the upstairs living room is set up specifically for him. The downstairs has a huge rec room for the kids to play in. 

Grandpa is very anxious right now. He is concerned that we didn't get every thing form the house in Bethany. I explained that there are still some tools we have to go back and get, but that Rebecca is watching the house for us. He has started using his walker all the time now. There is less furniture for him to hang on to as he walks thru the house.  I am thankful he has decided to use it. Hopefully he will fall less now.

I love this collage thingy...

I found this fun feature on Picasa today. These pictures are all from Thanksgiving.

House

WE move in this weekend!! Yippeee!! These are pictures Meg took of various rooms and such.

4 Generations of Family

From left to right 

Back row:

 Tim, Matt, Meagan, Caitlyn, Lisa, Chad, Kristin, Estella Rose, Sean, Seth, Rhianna, Staci, Sariah, James, Samantha

Seated on Couch:

Nic, Matt, Hays (aka Dad), Alexis (aka Mom), Jenny, Grandpa Jim

On Floor:

Jade, Luke, Devon, Ian, Cassidy, Heather

When I say I come from a big family I am not kidding. This picture was taken Thanksgiving day. Unfortunately, not everyone was able to be there. We are missing James and Tina, Marilyn, and Grandma. But we have four generation of family in this one shot. Maybe at Christmas we can get everyone.

First snow.

The first snow of the season!!!

Bethany Missouri

Thanksgiving Dinner - Family Style

Thank you to Samantha for putting on a wonderful Thanksgiving dinner. 

Aunt Sarah remembered

Bethany / House update

So we are in Bethany until we can take possession of the house. Oh yeah, forgot to update you on the house front. We found a house in Smithville. 4280 Carter. It is a nice house on 1/2 acre. Technically, it has 4 bedrooms plus a den. The only reason the den isnt a bedroom is it doesnt have a window. It has a full basement, finished. Two of the bedrooms are down there, a full bath and laundry room, plus a huge rec room with a fireplace. There is also a fireplace upstairs in the living room. The offer we made was countered and we accepted so now it is a matter of paperwork. The offer was to close and take possession on 12/13 but it might be as soon as 12/5. Keep your fingers crossed for the 5th. 

The word for today is frustration.

The inspection was done on the Cleveland house and came back with a "structural fault". It is not going to fall down anytime soon but, it will need to be corrected sooner than later. Basically when the second floor was finished into bedrooms it wasn't done properly and caused the weight from the roof to shift so that it is no longer over the load bearing wall. This has caused some dips in the floors and cracks on a few walls. Right now it is cosmetic damage. The rest of the house passed with flying colors.  The current mind set is to go back to the sellers and have them do the repair or drop the price the amount of the repair. If this doesnt work then we are back to square one. Maryann (our relator) and I have already started to put lists of houses together again to look at, just in case.  

I have decided I need to find a job in KC in the meantime. I need to finance a car somehow and can't do that without a proof of income. Unfortunately, I have to renew my MO LPN in order to work as a nurse but need cash to renew it which I don't have because I don't have a job....etc.....I believe this is called a catch-22. So I am looking for things like unit clerk, admin asst, etc. They don't require a nursing license. I also can't just go to a temp agency because of the lack of transportation.  

The word for today, boys and girls, is FRUSTRATION!

Rest in peace...

For my friend, Kelly Woods

May you rest in peace.

Strength and chaos

I realized something , which in my opinion was profound.....


If God only gives you what you can handle, I am stronger than I think, because he continues to pile it on and I have not yet collapsed.


My husband constantly reminds me that I am stronger than I think I am. I usually don't stop to analyse this because the moment I stop I am afraid I will collapse. If I just keep going, the momentum keeps the chaos in motion and therefore it does not collapse and bury me.


Here is the current update of the chaos that is my life :


Dad- Continues with his chemo. I believe this week makes 5 treatments. He is continuing to have good and bad days.


Sarah- Started chemo this week. Not sure how she will react. This morning she was feeling ok.


Cleveland House - Inspection hopefully will take place tomorrow and barring anything catastrophic, we should be able to start the final paper work and take possession soon. The current date is set for the 21st but we are trying for sooner.


Tim- Got the job at Stables Bar and Grill in Kearney. WHA-HOOO!!!


Nic - is being the dutiful son and helping me compile birthdays and such for a massive project I have going of a family info chart.


Ian - turns 6 next week (11/10). Still trying to come up with cool party ideas. Lisa and I are planning a joint party for all the November birthdays....James, Ian, Sammie, Cassie, Matthew...did I forget anyone?

Rosie - is being 2. Enough said.

My grandfather Mayo passed away last weekend. Dad, Meg, Matt, and Sammie went to Texas for the service. I have been at Mom's to help with the animals and Meg's kids.

I have multiple projects going....
Family info chart which included extended family.
Recipe collection / book (I could use help if anyone wants to email me recipes HINT-HINT)
Ian's kuddler Blanket for his birthday
Baby blankets for my friends who are expecting
Birthday/Christmas presents for the boys and family.
Christmas present for Dad....look for email on this one!

and Yes, I suffer from insomnia and these are the things I work on when I cant sleep. It is amazing the brilliant ideas you come up with at 3am.

Bethany update

Grandpa Jim was back in the hospital last week for a few days due to Bronchitis. He was released Friday and is back home. I came up Saturday to spend a few days to make sure he behaved hiimself and get the home health and appointments coordinated. He is doing much better. He still considers chocolate cake one of the major food groups but at least he is including meat and vegetables in there as well. He has a really nice lady who comes in three days a week and cooks him a nice hot meal and I cook when i come up too. He is concerned that we are trying to fatten him up for Thanksgiving. :) 

Biscuits and Gravy

Everybody has a comfort food. For me it is biscuits and gravy with pasta as a close second.  I have had a week that has made me rather cranky. My husband (God love him) decided today would be a good day to do something for me. He made me homemade, almost from scratch, biscuits and gravy. He brought me the plate and I about melted into the couch from delight. So I tucked into the gravy goodness and enjoyed my little pieces of heaven.

Smashing Dishes

I saw the craziest thing on TV the other day. Someone has created a place you can go and smash dishes. You write  your frustration or problem on the dish and then throw it against a cement wall. I think this is a great idea...you are able to get out your anger/frustration without hurting anybody and when you are done you have everything you need for a mosaic.  

Gas Price

Wha-hoo!!! Gas is down to $2.52. I can actually afford to drive somewhere. Now all I have to do is find a car. :)

House update

The sellers accepted the offer made on the house. Now it is just paperwork. The plan is to take possession on November 13th. I know it looks small in this picture but it is deceptive. It has 5 bedrooms, two full baths, a full babsement (kinda finished, electrical, wallboard, painted concrete floor) decent sized kitchen, and family room. The backyard is pretty flat and fenced.  It is within walking distance to the Catholic church , St Gabriel. It also has a K-8 school. It is a few blocks from Penguin Park, for those who know KCMO.  Everybody keep your fingers crossed that this goes as planned

Here we go again...

Dad had his third chemo treatment on Thursday.  After each treatment he has had a temperature and not felt well but last night he spiked a temperature of 101.1 (anything over 100.5 is a red flag) and became quite sick. It was a little scarey for me. I have not seem my Dad sick like that. The on-call doc told him to go to the ER. He really didnt want to go. I told him as a nurse I really thought he should go, but as his daughter if he didnt want to go I wouldnt make him. He decided to go. They started IV anitbiotics and kept him at least until the blood cultures come back (Mon or Tues). 

I am finding I have to put my nurse hat on when dealing with my dad in order to keep my sanity. It probably drives him nuts though.  I want to take care of him so I have feel like I am doing something.  I pray daily for strength. 

No longer needing a bigger bucket....

So for a while now I have been subscribing to the idea of when it rains, it pours and I need a bigger bucket. Well as of today,  I no longer need a bigger bucket....I am now to the point of building a dam. We found out last night that Aunt Sarah, has pancreatic cancer. She is at Research. We do not yet know a stage or prognosis.  Please keep her in your prayers. 

Bethany

I spent the past 5 days in Bethany with Grandpa Jim. He was in the hospital last week for excerbation of his congestive heart failure.  Now part of this is probably due to his version of meals...Breakfast is a cinnamon roll and chocolate ensure, Lunch is an ensure (if he remembers), and dinner is a piece of chocolate cake with chocolate icing and a chocolare ensure.  While I was there I made actual meals for him. If I made it and put it on the table and just told him to come eat he would but if I asked him what he wanted then he would not eat and just have a peice of cake. Needless to say I just made meals and told him to come eat. 

We got home health set up to come in three days a week to clean and cook for him. He wasnt very happy about this.  He kept fussing about it, but gave up when I reminded him I was just as stubborn as he was.  Being there for more than a few hours, I really got to see how bad his short term memory loss is. 

Hopefully, we can get things finalized and get him moved to KC quickly. WE have found a house and are in process of making an offer on it.  It is near Penguin Park. 

Week of stress

This week has been eventful.

Dad started his chemo and ended up getting admitted to the hospital. At first they thought it was an infection but have since ruled it out. They think it may be a reaction to the chemo. He

was released today to go home but we made do this again next chemo round.

Grandma has been admitted to the hospital too. She has blood clots (DVTs) in her leg. She is deteriorating quickly. Grandpa was admitted to the hospital too for CHF (congestive heart failure)


We are still looking for a house to move into near Mom and Dad or Lisa. We will be moving in with my grandparents and I will be their full-time nurse. We have found a house but still need to get it approved by the sister triad. We hope to have this done sooner than later.

The stress level is way off the charts right now.

Bugs and Humidity

Well, we are back in Kansas City. I had fogotten, or blocked out, the humidity and bugs. Especially the bugs. We have been here for 6 days now and both of the kids and myself look like we have a weird skin aliment.....red bumps all over our legs and arms....bug bites. ICKY!!

The weather is supposed to cool down, soon.

Cross pens

The other day I was not paying alot of attention to what Sean was doing when something caught my eye. I looked over to see him writing a note and I was overcome by a wave of nostaglia. He was using a gold Cross pen. Growing up that is the same style of pen my father used. He always had it with him. It is one of those silly memories that you think of at the strangest times and it always makes you smile.

Anytime I see someone writing with a gold Cross pen I think of my dad and smile.

10 days and counting

We have 10 days left in WA.

This week has been eventful. Nic left last Tuesday for KC. He has moved to Kearney with his Dad and Shannon for the school year. He will be a sophmore at Kearney High. He enrolled Friday and has chosen the acedemic diploma courses. I was enformed he has his on blog now too.

My last day as the Director of Health and Wellness was Friday. I am still on staff and finishing things up this week. It was nice and scarey this weekend to know that the ambulance was at the building 3 times and I was not called to handle any of them. :)

Ian will start home school this week. We have decided with all the chaos it would be the best solution for now. Once we get to KC I will meet with someone from the school district to decide how to proceed.

This week will be catching up and getting things ready to ship or fly to KC.

Those moments when you dont know what to do...

I am having alot of those moments lately when you just don't know what to do. You are so overwhelmed by the things going on around you that you don't even know where to start, or stop, or....well anything. One of my favorite sayings is from Mother Teresa. She says something to the affect of...God only gives you what you can handle, but I sure wish he didn't trust me so much. I am sure he knows I can handle the things going on, and I am sure there is a plan somewhere in this chaos.

Currently, I am subscribing to another saying...When it rains it pours!.... I just keep asking God for a bigger bucket.

How many Mondays are allowed in a week?

Ok, I know that technically yesterday was Monday. Boy was it Monday. However the way today went I would swear it was Monday all over again. It doesn't happen that often but, this is shaping up to be a week full of Mondays.

As way of explaination...Mondays are the days that nothing really goes wrong. However things do not go as planned.
That dinner you had planned to make requires milk, you get home to find no milk. So you make something else but crave the first thing.
You are going along with a spreadsheet only to find that your computer locks up and you only have 3/4 of it saved.
These are the kind of things that have happened all day. Nothing horrible, nothing earth-shattering, just nothing right either.

Heart wrenching decision

The decision has been made. We are moving back to Missouri at the beginning of September. Although it has been really difficult to make this decision now that we have I feel a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. I am excited to see my family again. I am going to miss my friends here in WA but with the great internet we will still be able to talk frequently.

Now the fun really begins....trying to figure out what stuff to keep and what to get rid of. It is amazing how much stuff you can accumulate in 4 years.

Ok, so my dad is out of surgery but they weren't able to take out the cancer. I am really struggling to wrap my head around this. It is really difficult to be all the way out in WA while he is in a hospital in MO. So now I am faced with the decision of staying here in WA where I have a good job and a few friends, or moving my family back to MO and essentially starting over job wise but being where my family is. It is a really hard place to be. The two little ones are to young to have established lasting friendships, the teenagers have long-term girlfriends but also a sense of duty to the family. Although they arent thrilled with the possibility they are willing to go. Sean is a whole other thing. He has been here for years and is established in the community and church. He has always sworn he won't go back to MO, until now.

This is a hard choice.

Beyond help....

This was just too perfect not to post!!!!!

being a fixer

I was reminded today that is ok to just do what you can. Sometimes it isnt about doing your best, it is about doing something. I have also recently learned it's ok to NOT do anything sometimes. I have a bad habit of saying yes to everyone at the expense of myself. I am learnigng, slowly, that there are times I have to say no and that there are times I can not fix it. That is the hardest part for me. I am a fixer. I think that is why became a nurse. It is also why sometimes I hate being a nurse; there are times you just can't fix it.

So I ask for the strength to get thru the day and the strength to accept what comes.

Bubbles

One of the greatest joys of childhood is bubbles....cheap, inexpensive, soap bubbles. Rosie loves them. And I enjoy watching her. She just laughs and twirls trying to catch as many as she can. It is the best way to spend time on an afternoon.