James H Miller 4/17/1921 to 2/23/2010

My grandfather passed away last night. He was surrounded by his family and went peacefully.

I truely appreciate the hospice nurses and aides that were there. They are all angels in disguise.

Happy Valentine's Day

Love me tender, love me sweet
Never let me go
You have made my life complete
And I love you so
Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill
For, my darling I love you
And I always will.
Love me tender, love me dear
Tell me you are mine
I'll be yours through all the years
'Till the end of time
Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill
For, my darling I love you
And I always will
Love me tender, love me true
All my dreams fulfill
For, my darling I love you
And I always will
Always will

New house.

We are officially in the new house. There is still a lot of unpacking to do but the kitchen is mostly unpacked and the living room is put together. Ian started his new school yesterday. He seemed to enjoy it but was really distracted. I am hoping that will settle down once the newness wears off. Rosie is doing well with the new house. She is enjoying the wood floors that allow her to "tap" dance.

Back to unpacking...

Pouting and packing going on in my house

Got word yesterday that the rental house in Kearney should be ready to move into this coming weekend. Yes, it is quick but I sooo need to move. I have hit my max on patience with my grandfather. I need a break away from him. He is a stubborn, manipulative, pain in the a**. (at least we know I come by it honestly) If he were a resident at a facility where I worked, it wouldn't be so bad because I would get time away and two days off every week. Living with him I get no true break away from him. Yesterday was the icing on the cake for me. I had just finished scolding Ian for hiding the remote from grandpa. I took the remote away, changed the channel to CNN and gave the remote to grandpa. I walk out of the room and get 1/2 across the dining room only to hear Ian start screeching again. I figure grandpa has made a face at him or something similar and Ian was mad so he was screeching and walk back in ready to remove Ian from the room. INSTEAD, I find my grandfather smacking Ian. Open handed hitting him, where ever he could reach. Now I grant you my grandfather doesn't have much strength behind his hits but, HE WAS HITTING MY CHILD. I freaked! I completely lost my temper with him, yelling and pointing my finger. How dare he raise a hand to my child, my own mother doesn't even spank my children except in extreme circumstances. Oh, I was pissed. So now Ian has been banished from the front room and dining room. It is the only way I can keep him and grandpa apart. This is where the "very thankful I am moving next weekend" comes in. After all this happens, I apologized to grandpa for losing my temper and tried to talk to him about why I was so upset. He responses by telling me this just isnt working anymore and he is going to sell the house and move to a nursing home so he can just die. (Manipulative SOB) I reminded him the house was his and I reminded him I am moving to Kearney. He informs me he is moving back home to Bethany by himself until he dies. I again reminded him the house in Smithville is his, bought and paid for, and that he can not live on his own so Meg is moving up to the house to take care of him. Again he tells me that wont work, Meg has to many thing to do she cant take care of him, she has kids and a husband, blah, blah, blah. I bit my tongue. After another 10 minutes of this crap from him, I was quickly losing my temper again. I finally just got in his face and told him...Grandpa you do not get to do this to me. I am just as stubborn and pigheaded as you are. The house is paid for, you are staying here, I am moving out, Meg is moving in, AND YOU WILL BE NICE TO HER. This is the end of this discussion. Then I got up and walked out. He is still pouting this morning and I am packing.

Gut feelings

Sometimes it is a good idea to go with your gut feeling. My gut has been saying NO about the agency case since they told me it was in Odessa. So, over the weekend I put out several resumes, still unsure about the agency job. One of them was in reply to a craiglist ad for a Night Charge Nurse in Independence for a small (50 bed) nursing home. They called me this am and asked me to come in for an interview at 2p. I got hired on the spot after a 20 minute interview with the Director of Nursing.

Agency Job - 1.5 hr commute each way, $20/hr, 69 hr/payperiod

VS.

Nursing Home Job - 0.5 hr commute each way, $19/hr, 80hr/payperiod

Not a hard choice. I took the Nursing Home job. I have orientation tomorrow.

Moving on...

Well, the decision has been made. I am moving on. I have accepted a job with Maxim Health Care, a nursing agency, and will be moving as soon as I find a place. The past year and 1/2 has taken it's toll and I am ready to get back to my own life. Don't get me wrong, I would never had said no to taking care of my grandparents but I am glad things are working out that I can gracefully step out and let someone else put in their time. Since my grandmother passed there really isn't a need for a nurse full-time, Grandpa just need someone to make sure he is safe, cook for him and entertain him. Lisa or I can pop in once a week or so and do the "nurse things", like double check meds/INR checks and Meagan and her family are moving up here to the Smithville house to be "in charge".

I am happy that I can now get back to being a mom first and a nurse second. It is a big scary change though and I would be lying if I said I wasn't having my moments of anxiety about this. I am really and truly starting over.....again. New job, new place to live, just me and the kids. Wow!

P90X Day 6

Day six is here and I am not dead yet. Although, there have been several times this week I wish, someone would have put me out of my misery. Obviously it is working something because my legs have been killing me since Pylo day. Heres to make a commitment and sticking to it! As the guy says.....DO your best and forget the rest........BRING IT!

P90X day 1

I started the P90X workout today. I made it thru the whole workout, except the declined pushups. Those are still something that I can not do. I kiss the floor every time I try them. I am also using the modified version by being on my knees for pushups and using the bands for pull-ups. I tried to do the AbRipperX too. I did not feel as successful. I did all the exercises but could not do more than 10 of each. The routine calls for 25 of each. We will see if I can still move tomorrow. I already hurt.

Every journey starts with the first step.

Jan 3rd....More Snow

This was the view from out back deck this morning. We got another 1 1/2 inches on top of the 13 inches we already had.... And it is still snowing! We have a whopping 14 degrees for a high today.

I wonder if the kids will have a snow day for the first day back in 2010?

Last Family Get Together of 2009

Our last big bash of 2009. We all got together for a belated gift exchange.
Cookies, pumpkin cheesecake, wassail, and cocoa were on the menu.

Blizzard 2009

We measured 8 inches in one part of the driveway and 13 in another.

Christmas Morning 2009

Christmas Eve

Presents were wrapped and under the tree.

Cookies and milk were left for Santa.

The stockings were hung, having been filled with care.


And Ian slept thru it all in the livingroom chair.

Crafttime - how to cure the "i'm Bored"s

The kids were bored so we got out the craft supplies.


Even Tim got in on the craft time.

2009 Christmas Letter

Faith, Family and Friends...The three best things about the holiday season.

It has been great being back in Kansas City and close to family. This year I brought back a family tradition from when I was little…Cookie Day. This takes place on the day after Thanksgiving. Instead of being out shopping, I invited all of my nieces and nephews (for those keeping count, that is 11 + my 4) to come over and make cookies. It was a blast. We made and froze several batches of chocolate chip, oatmeal raisin, sugar and chocolate cookies…..and of course the Christmas caramels.

2009 has been full of adventures, joys, sorrows, and a lot of organized chaos. Aunt Sarah lost her battle with cancer in March; Grandma Lorine passed in November; and my Dad continues his fight with pancreatic cancer.

Tim is now 19. He continues his love of singing and has recently been exploring photography. He travels back to Seattle frequently to spend time with his girlfriend Selena. He is currently working at Stables Bar and Grill in Kearney and is applying to colleges for Fall 2010.

Nic is 17 and a junior in high school. He had a fantastic spring track season. He took first with a 104’ 1” diskus throw and a 42’ 1” shotput throw at the conference track meet. He continues to follow his passion for the cello; He was accepted into the Youth Music Conservatory at Park University this fall.

Ian is now 7. He still loves to help in the kitchen. At school he was awarded the “Warrior Award”. This is given to students who have accomplished a personal goal or gone above and beyond. He collected over a hundred boxtops which put his classroom over their goal.

EstellaRose is 3 and precocious as ever. She has been perfecting her art skills by using all sorts of medium. She provided me with an 8 ft wide, sharpie mural on my bedroom wall. Her hair is finally growing back in from her self-administered haircut. She has also discovered her singing voice. She can frequently be found singing lullabies to the dogs.

This year I finished the Hospital Hill Run 10K, raising money for pancreatic cancer research…my goal for 2010 is to do better than just finish. My legs are healing well (I fell and broke the left ankle and sprained the right one in September). I can now manage without braces for the most part and am getting back to a workout regime. I have applied for the RN program at Park University; once finished, I plan to pursue a Masters in nursing. For those not in the know, Sean and I separated pending a divorce this fall. He is now in Wisconsin and doing well. Thanks to modern technologies he and the kids are able chat frequently via video calls on the computer. I continue to care for my grandfather and enjoy the organized chaos of an at-home mom and live-in nurse.

We wish you a very merry holiday season and an exciting new year!

Tim, Ian, Kristin, Rosie, Nic

Christmas Photos

We finally got every home and sitting reasonably still for our Christmas photos


Merry Christmas 2009

Got to love the Irish...

An Irishman's Philosophy

There are only two things to worry about:

Either you are well or you are sick.

If you are sick,

Then there are only two things to worry about:

Either you will get well or you will die.

If you get well,

Then there are only two things to worry about:

Either you will go to heaven or hell.

If you go to heaven, there is nothing to worry about.

But if you go to hell,

You'll be so damn busy shaking hands with friends

You won't have time to worry!

~ Author Unknown ~

top 10 revisited

1. We are now in Smithville, MO.

2. My dad has pancreatic cancer.

3. My aunt-in-law (she is basically my MIL) has pancreatic cancer.

4. We live with and care for my grandfather who is in frail health and grandmother who has alzheimer's.

5. My oldest is 18...enough said.

6. My 16 year old moved in with his grandparents to continue attending Kearney High (long story involving step-mother and her issues).

7. My six year old has discovered how to be sassy.

8. My two year old is 2. WHY? WHY? WHY? HOW? WHAT? you get the idea.

9. We now have a dog named Sumner.

10. I haven't lost my mind.............yet.

This was my top 10 list at the beginning of 2009. As we draw the year to a close I thought I would up date it.

1. The kids and I are still in Smithville....Sean has moved to WI.

2. My Dad is still battling pancreatic cancer.

3. Aunt Sarah lost her battle with cancer in March. She is missed.

4. We still live with my grandfather. My grandmother passed in November.

5. My oldest will be 19 soon.

6.My 16 yr old was accepted in to the Youth Music Conservatory at Park University.

7.My six year old is now 7 and still sassy.

8. We have left the terrible two's and entered into the obnoxious threes. She is now nic-named "Molly Meltdown".

9. We still have Sumner and have added a puppy named Suzi.

10. Still haven't lost my mind but seem to have misplaced my sanity.

Some traditions are worth bringing back...

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Growing up, the day after Thanksgiving was almost more exciting than Thanksgiving itself. For us it was not Black Friday it was "COOKIE DAY". This was the day mom gave us each a mixing bowl and recipe and we made huge amounts of cookie dough. She would always bake some but most of it was frozen for those last minute..."Mom, I need 2 dozen cookies for school tomorrow"...moments. This was when we could still take home-made treats to school ( wow, does that show my age or what?). It was also the day mom made carmels. Home-made, melt in your mouth carmels. I looked forward to this day all year! The carmels became treats for our teachers and friends for Christmas. Mom would crochet a small stocking and fill it with the carmels for each person. When I got old enough, Mom taught me how to make her carmels. This was a supremely big deal for me. As we grew older and moved out on our own, cookie day became a thing of the past.

This year I decided to re-institute the tradition of cookie day. So this morning, everyone descended upon my house and the mass chaos of making cookies began. We made chocolate chip, peanut-butter, oatmeal raisin, chocolate, sugar cookies and snickerdoodles. After the kids went home and it was just the grow-ups left I made the carmels. Luckily mom was here so I was able to ask as I went. It has been years since I have made them. But they turned out great. I have even been working on the stockings to go with them.

It was a blast! I plan to make this a yearly event again. I hope that my kids look forward to cookie day, in the years to come, as much as I did growing up.

Turkey Day

The turkey came out beautiful...even if it finished several hours early.

Ian and Rosie took advantage of the old wives tale about turkey making you sleepy.