Some traditions are worth bringing back...

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Growing up, the day after Thanksgiving was almost more exciting than Thanksgiving itself. For us it was not Black Friday it was "COOKIE DAY". This was the day mom gave us each a mixing bowl and recipe and we made huge amounts of cookie dough. She would always bake some but most of it was frozen for those last minute..."Mom, I need 2 dozen cookies for school tomorrow"...moments. This was when we could still take home-made treats to school ( wow, does that show my age or what?). It was also the day mom made carmels. Home-made, melt in your mouth carmels. I looked forward to this day all year! The carmels became treats for our teachers and friends for Christmas. Mom would crochet a small stocking and fill it with the carmels for each person. When I got old enough, Mom taught me how to make her carmels. This was a supremely big deal for me. As we grew older and moved out on our own, cookie day became a thing of the past.

This year I decided to re-institute the tradition of cookie day. So this morning, everyone descended upon my house and the mass chaos of making cookies began. We made chocolate chip, peanut-butter, oatmeal raisin, chocolate, sugar cookies and snickerdoodles. After the kids went home and it was just the grow-ups left I made the carmels. Luckily mom was here so I was able to ask as I went. It has been years since I have made them. But they turned out great. I have even been working on the stockings to go with them.

It was a blast! I plan to make this a yearly event again. I hope that my kids look forward to cookie day, in the years to come, as much as I did growing up.

Turkey Day

The turkey came out beautiful...even if it finished several hours early.

Ian and Rosie took advantage of the old wives tale about turkey making you sleepy.

No other comparison...

Last week was a tough one. We laid to rest my grandmother on Monday and my BFF's husband on Friday. But in the midst of this sorrow came a beautiful soul.

His name is Benjamin.

There is nothing in this world more priceless than holding a newborn child. The joy has no other comparison.

Thanksgiving thoughts

Give thanks in all circumstances...
--1 Thessalonians 5:18

Though it was not called Thanksgiving at the time, in 1621 a thanksgiving feast was celebrated by the pilgrims of the Plymouth colony along with about 90 Wampanoag Indians. The Pilgrims had suffered through a devastating winter in which nearly half their number died. Without the help of the Indians, all would have perished.After the first harvest, Governor William Bradford proclaimed a day of thanksgiving and prayer to God.

In 1623, a period of drought was answered by colonists with a proclamation of prayer and fasting. This prayer and fasting became a thanksgiving celebration when rains came during the prayers. Later that year, Governor Bradford proclaimed November 29 as a time for pilgrims to gather and "listen to ye pastor and render thanksgiving to ye Almighty God for all His blessings."

In 1863, Sarah Josepha Hale, convinced Abraham Lincoln to proclaim Thanksgiving a national holiday. For the date, she chose the last Thursday in November because of Washington's proclamation. In 1941, it was officially changed to the fourth Thursday in November.

Since Abraham Lincoln's proclamation, it has been a custom that all presidents of the United States make Thanksgiving proclamations every year. George W. Bush stated in one of his proclamations, that In thankfulness and humility, we acknowledge, especially now, our dependence on One greater than ourselves.

All of the early Thanksgiving celebrations had one thing in common. The thanksgiving was directed toward God. It did not matter that many had very hard times. The people knew that God was their creator and provider and that all good things ultimately came from Him.

It is in this spirit that I will be celebrating Thanksgiving this year.

I am thankful most of all from my family and friends. For without their love, friendship, and support I would not have made it through the past few months.

Trouble doth sire three children...

First we lost my grandmother. My best friend Liz took Rosie and Ian Monday during the funeral and supported me as I grieved and questioned.

Tuesday morning she calls me, they had found her husband. He had taken his own life. All else stopped in my world as I went to her. Luckily my sisters came over to handle my house so I could go handle Liz's. We have been best friends since high school, finish each others thoughts..the whole nine. She has a 4 yr old daughter who is struggling to understand the loss of her father. It has been an incredibly long few days.

Over the last 20 years of being in nursing, I have seen it time and time again. Death comes in 3's. The superstitious nurse in me is waiting for number three to show it's face.

Recap of thursday.

It started thursday about 2pm. I went to get grandma up from her nap. She just didn't look right. Her hands and feet were cold and purple and she seemed in pain. Terry, the hospice nurse was coming out for her normal appt anyway so I didn't call her and just I got grandma up and settled into her recliner. I gave her some of her pain medicine (Lortab liquid), it didn't seem to help much. She was moaning and it seemed hard for her to breathe, she was extremely restless and agitated. At this point, I knew things were going south quickly. There is a look a person's eyes get when they are dying. She had it.

Terry arrived and confirmed what I suspected...Grandma probably won't make it thru the night. It appeared that she had a GI bleed of some kind (based on pain and coffee-ground emesis). Terry got on the phone and started making arrangements for morphine, ativan and oxygen. Things to make grandma more comfortable. I called Mom and she came over. Meagan came and got Ian and Rosie. Terry had to leave for another client but arranged for another nurse to come in, Nadine.

I sat with grandma, watching. She was struggling to breathe and the mottling was all the way up her legs to her thighs. The meds and oxygen arrived. I gave her the first dose. It helped. She became less restless but her breathing was still really labored. My instructions were to give her the morphine (0.25 ml) and ativan every hour. as we approached the hour mark, she became more restless. I gave her the second dose of morpine but held off on the ativan. Again she calmed, and slowly her breathing became less labored until she simply stopped breathing. She passed at 9:09pm.

I have been the nurse who sat at the bedside as a patient died. I have been the nurse who gave the last dose of medication. But it is somehow different when it is your family. I know I did everything by the book and in grandma's best interest but the questions still come. It is hard not to question everything I did.

One of the hardest things to do was tell my grandfather. He has been slipping in to the alzheimer's abyss too but is still mostly aware. He had already gone to bed when she passed. After talking to my mom we decided to wait until morning to tell him. It was hard, even though he knew it was coming. They had been married 60+ years. I can't even imagine that kind of loss.

In Memory of Lorine Miller

LORINE MILLER
August 23, 1924 - November 12, 2009
BIOGRAPHY

Lorine Miller, 85, Bethany, died Thursday, November 12, 2009 in Smithville, MO.
She was born August 23, 1924 in Gilman City, MO, the daughter of Leroy Albert and Cliva Cornelia (Black) Norris.
On October 27, 1945, she married James H. Miller in Madison, CT. He survives at the home.
Lorine was a homemaker and a member of Beta Sigma Phi Sorority.
Survivors in addition to her husband are her daughters, Alexis Mayo, Kansas City, MO, Marilyn Miller, Torrington, WY and Jennifer Langlois, Overland Park, KS; brother, Neil Norris, Bethany, MO; 7 grandchildren, 13 great grandchildren.
She was preceded in death by her parents; sisters, Mildred Christopher and Alene Herring and brother, Kenneth Norris.
Funeral Services will be 1:00 p.m. Monday, November 16, at Roberson Funeral Home, Bethany, MO. Burial in Miriam Cemetery, Bethany, MO. Friends may call after 9:00 a.m. Monday at the funeral home. There is no scheduled family visitation.
Memorial contributions may be made to Alzheimer's Association in care of Roberson Funeral Home, P.O. Box 46, Bethany, MO 64424. Online condolences may be left at www.robersonfuneralhome.com.

Just something cute

The other day, Rosie was with me while I was getting ready. I was putting on my lipstick and she asked what it was. I answered, it was something mommies put on their mouth to look pretty. She informed me that she was a mommy too and so she needed some.

I laughed and said, "If you're a mommy then that makes me a grandma."

She looks at me for a moment and then says, " No, you can't be a grandma, you're not old."

uhm....I don't know what to call this one.

I haven't posted lately. I have had a lot on my mind but so much of it is too personal to share in an open forum such as this.

I am still working on the weightloss....although much more slowly than I would like. I am working out again, I haven been able to manage 15-30 most days without too much pain. Unfortunately, there have been a few days like today that just standing upright for a shower was incredibly painful. I wish my silly ankles would just heal already. I have been told I won't really be healed for at least 90 days after the break (Aug 31) but that was also based on me being compliant. Did I mention, I am impatient and have a hard time sitting still? SO needless to say, I have pushed and am now paying the price for it. My goal at this point is to be ready to start learning to run by Jan 1, 2010. That is 7 1/2 weeks. I know if I don't start training/learning to run by then, I won't be ready for the Hospital Hill Run in June. I want to be able to better, than just finish.

I am also working on becoming less scattered and more organized. Wish me luck on that one.

And last but not least....After my mini nervous breakdown about 3 weeks ago, I realized that I have a breaking point and it is REALLY not a pretty site. So, I am learning to say "No"......That's right, no. This is a major accomplishment for me and a real struggle too. So please don't take offense if you ask me for something, and I say no. I am trying to find my limits and not overload myself.

Pumpkins galore

Lisa, Meg and their kids came over to carve pumpkins with us. Nic and Lisa were the designated carvers.
We had a skull, a cat, a traditional jack-o-lantern, and a firey face.
Happy Halloween!!!

Day 2

I am most of the way thru day 2 of my weight loss journey. This particular diet plan has the first four days being VERY restrictive. I did great until 8pm. Then hungries took over and I ate a handful of candy corn. Amazingly a serving size is 20 corns and only 150 calories but it was still a really bad thing for me. but at least I didn't eat the whole bag.

This afternoon though, I was able to go to the store with Ian and not buy anything from the deli or stop on the way home at McD's. It took alot of willpower but I went to the store, got what I needed and came home. When I got home I made a smoothie. This plan actually builds in an afternoon snack. Yeah!! So I was able to indulge the munchies without completely blowing it. I am feeling pretty good about that.

Day 1

We had our GNO last Friday. It was a blast. It also brought something into a harsh reality for me. I am FAT..not a little over weight...MORBIDLY OBESE.

I am emotional eater. No doubt about it. This past week has been really rough, and I ate everything in sight. I have known this but have been ignoring it. I have let myself fall into a habit of "oh, I'll eat what I want...it wont matter". This is really bad. Lately, I have been eating and making excuses for it. This is not a good place to be. I joined WW with my mom back in the spring. I thought having someone to be accountable to ever week would help. It didn't. I didn't make the commitment to the plan I needed to for it to work. I was constantly saying..."I'll start tracking next week" or "2 points won't really matter." Well an extra couple of points add up really quickly. And now I feel rotten. My clothes are too tight, I am tired and grumpy, and generally unhappy with myself. I am 100lbs over weight. I have to make a serious change.

So here I am, making a commitment. I have found a reasonable diet plan to follow. I have printed it out and stuck it to my cabinet so I have no excuse not to follow it. I have shopped specifically for it so there is no excuse of not having things. I have taken a picture of myself as a motivator. I have been release by the othro's to exercise and the pain is lessening in my ankles.

NO MORE EXCUSES!!

It is not going to be easy I have no illusions about that.

Day 1 - 235lbs

My list

This week has been a real struggle for me. I have a lot of things on my mind these days. There are days I feel like the weight of the world is on me and I have done alot of crying this week. It was pointed out to me yesterday that even when I have fallen apart, I have made sure everyone else around me was taken care of first. I feel selfish if I have to say no. I am a fixer, a caretaker. I think that is why I became a nurse in the first place. I have had several people ask me this week "How / Why do you do it?".......My response is "Because, I don't know how not too."

I have been trying to get a grip on the level of stress I have so I decided to make a list of my stresses then go thru it and mark which ones I have control over and which ones I do not. (if you haven't figured it out, I am a control freak and slightly OCD about it). In make my list, I am realizing that I have very little control over most of the things going on in my life right now but I do have control over my reactions to it. So that is what I am working on right now. I have decided to ask the lord to give me strength to get thru today and I will worry about tomorrow when it gets here.

Costumes...

It seems every year we have gone round and round about Halloween costumes. The ones I picked out were too cute, the ones Ian picked out were to spooky, gorey, complicated, etc. It has always been a major compromise. This year however has been a dream come true.....

Rosie wanted to be a princess (no surprise). I found a beautiful cream and gold dress at the thrift store for $5, a tiara for $2 and she has silver and pink shoes to wear. Grand total $7 and a happy daughter.

Ian decided he wanted the dinosaur costume I found at K-Mart, it was $17 but well worth it. No arguments, no compromising, and a really cute costume.

We got home last night from picking it up and Ian had to try it on. He was so cute running around. The costume has this little tail on it so he would stop and shake it. It was really funny to watch.

Tim saw him and suggested we dress Nic up as a tower and have Rosie sit on his shoulder then have Ian curl around his feet ( the costume looks a little like a dragon). It would make a great picture. The princess in a tower guarded by a dragon.

Now, where to find fabric with a brick/stone print......

Answers

God answers all our prayers.

Sometimes he says...Yes.

Sometimes he says...No.

And sometimes he says...

You've got to be kidding!

The birthday tea party

Autumn colors

I do not enjoy the cold weather but I do love the colors it creates.

100-ish yr old rose bush

There was a rose bush at the house in Bethany that is 100-ish
years old. My sister took cuttings off of it this summer in hopes they would survive and allow us to
re-plant them and keep part of the rose bush alive. They didn't show any signs of rooting so we had given up hope.
But I was lazy and just left the pots on my front porch. As it turned out being lazy was a good thing this time...The cuttings had leaves.
Now if they just survive the winter.

My sweet kid....

I was reminded last night of what a sweet kid my Nic is. He comes up behind me in the kitchen and wraps his arms around me and just hugs me. It was one of those "mommy, I still love you hugs". I love it when he does that. It makes me feel warm and reminds me that I am very much loved. Then he preceded to make me an oh-so-yummy plate of Spinach fettuccine alfredo with mushrooms. This is one of my favorite comfort food dishes. This particular time it was so yummy I licked the plate. I thought the responses to my facebook status regarding his cooking were funny.

Kristin Smith I have the most awesome son in the world......he is making the yummiest alfredo with spinach noodles and saute mushrooms.

Yesterday at 8:16pm · Comment · Like

Meagan Wiley

MMMMmmmmmmm. Yummy. Can Nic come live with me????

Yesterday at 9:03pm · Delete

Lisa Eberspacher

wow! Yum! does he give cooking lessons? :)

9 hours ago · Delete

3am

Being awake at 3am is alot easier when you work night shift on a regular basis and get some sleep during the day. I am on my second night of being awoken by screaming from my g'pa. Each time after being startled awake, I jump up and go to his room to see what disaster has happened, expecting to find him on the floor.

Last night, he was extremely confused and very upset because he thought it was late morning and time to get up. It had been a whole day of confusing, anytime there is a major shift in the weather he gets confused. At 2:30pm he demanded his pills and supper because it was getting dark and time for bed. I explained it was just gloomy out and actually 2:30pm. Then he went to bed at 6:30pm, got up at 10p, then 2am, then 3am, 4am, and finally at 7am...each time yelling at the top of his lungs first. Needless to say I did not sleep. I did figure out that he had his watch on upside down so when it was 3am, it looked like 9 am to him.

Tonight however was a totally different story, although it started out the same....I am awoken by the yelling coming from his room. I go into check on him and he is in the throws of a night mare, or so it appears. He is safe, so I go back to bed. Just as I am getting settle back down he starts up again. Again I go in to check and make sure he isn't on the floor. He is wrestling with his blankets as if he wants to get up so I move them, all the while asking him if he is ok. He starts talking about a T-tube and getting it put together. I tell him I don't understand and he starts laughing. Now all of this is taking place at the top of our voices (he is deaf as a post without his hearing aide and not much better with it). So he is laughing and saying how I have a problem if I don't understand the class ( he used to be a professor). Then he switches to talking about the TV channel WTN and how it is only on at 3am. Through out all of this I am asking him to be quieter and not yell because he is going to wake up the kids. Usually this will quiet him. Tonight it just made him louder. He tells me , again at the top of his voice, "I will wake the kids up, I don't care." I am so exasperated at this point, I just turn my back to walk out the door. He starts yelling again. I tell him it is 3 am and since he isn't hurt I am going back to bed. He just laughs at me and says, "You have a real problem." It took everything I had not to yell back at him "Yes, and it is a selfish old man who gets a kick out of tormenting me". I would never say that to him in a million years, but tonight it is how I feel. I know this is the way dementia works, and I would love to be able to just put earplugs in and ignore the yelling but I can't because one of these times I am going to find him on the floor...again.

I think this is particular hard right now because I haven't been able to really get a significant break away. My sister who normally spells me is having major issues right now and needs to focus on herself and her family. Tim has been great about babysitting so I could run to the store or little errands. I am dreading when he leaves for Seattle on the 23rd. Then it will be just me for two weeks. Hopefully, he doesn't come back to find me having been committed. I am damn close now.

Now that I have gotten it off my chest and he appears to have quieted down, maybe, just maybe I can get a few hours more of sleep before the fun begins again.